“Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.”
― Barbara De Angelis
Is there any such thing as being too honest, telling too much of the truth ?
Yes, I do believe so, and yet I'd rather myself, live with integrity and lose people who cannot handle it, than live a lie and not share the truths - for the pains I've suffered are worth sharing if I can save you from the pain in your own lives, is it not?
My birth father was a Scottish descended man whose father had passed away very young - 42 years old from a crippling disease. My father had believed his dad had died at 39 (I've since found the tomb stone that tells a different story), and my father always believed he too, would only live to 39. Do you know what men are like, that believe they will only live to 39? Wild. In a word. He was wild. Wild as fire, with the Scottish blood, he had no chance of a peaceful, quiet life ;)
My father has told me stories of gangs, guns, prison, and friendships that include outlaws and the wildest adventures any human could enjoy and live to tell... He married my mother, and they had what I understand to be an loving and exciting marriage. After I was born, my mother needed security - in short, that was something that my father simply couldn't give. Years later, he would tell me that his honesty was his problem. He felt he had told her too much truth, and in that, she was afraid of what was possible in him, and left him for it. I don't believe he told her too much truth - I believe he behaved badly, too often... acting out in ways that scared her, not the truth of what he told her is what I believe, forced her hand, and she could not stay with him.
Added note - my father had a tattoo on his waste that said "No Bullshit!". That was his way of saying he was going to live his life with integrity, and if you loved him for it, great, if you didn't well... I won't say it here, you already know what his attitude would have been, perhaps. ;)
Having said that, I think there is something to be said for saying too much, being too honest, sharing too much. Perhaps already I have done so with this blog - but in my lifetime I've read and been inspired by so many personal stories, books that have stayed with me, and shaped my thinking, that I hope by my honesty and openness, that you'll be affected, and inspired to grow and learn, and be better, yourselves...
I am trying to share some wisdom learned and some lessons I've noted, without naming names (although some references are somewhat obvious), and without giving away too much. I hope I'll do you all the respect you deserve by sharing only what seems meaningful and nothing that is harmful, or "too much" information.
If there is one thing that is very important to me, it is my integrity. I feel so open minded to many things, areas of life, freedom of choice, freedom of speech, etc... but in this world of so much that is corrupt, vain, and harmful, I value most of all, my integrity. I may not always share ALL of the truth, but what I will say, will be true to the best of my knowledge, at the time. I won't live in any other fashion. If there is anything in this life to be remembered for, it is that you trusted me, I was there for you, and I had integrity in my work and my relationships.
Note that I have, most definitely, lied, in my life. Sometimes it was to protect, and not hurt someone, other times it would be to ensure I wouldn't be hurt, and in worst case scenarios, it was to ensure I would not get in trouble for actions I'd taken. :) I tell my children to never do anything they are not proud of, and would not stand up for, as having to lie about it or hide their actions, is no way to live. I've not been perfect in this with my own advice, but I carry it in high regard, and do my best to follow suit.
On day 9 of 100 days of ME, I will attempt to continue to share as much of the truth as I can, without implicating my friends and family, more than they can stand... and without too much truth that leaves you all frightened to read the next line. I'll attempt to balance my findings, and adventures, with some amount of good sense and taste - yet, knowing that my preference is of course to tell all so that you too, can understand what I've learned and why.
Keep in mind also, that my truths may not be the same as the person that experienced the event with me, as we all perceive our situations and experiences, from somewhat different perspectives.
“Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised or a little mistaken.”
― Jane Austen, Emma
Some of my favourite quotes:
“To conceal anything from those to whom I am attached, is not in my nature. I can never close my lips where I have opened my heart.”
― Charles Dickens
“Oh, what a tangled web we weave...when first we practice to deceive.”
― Walter Scott, Marmion
“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.”
― Criss Jami
“To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
"...before us lie two paths, honesty and dishonesty. The shortsighted embark on the dishonest pah: the wise on the honest. For the wise know the truth: in helping others, we help ourselves; and in hurting others we hurt ourselves. Character overshadows money, and trust rises above fame. Honesty is still the best policy." - Napoleon Hill
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