Day 10 – Falling off the wagon

Day 10 – Falling off the wagon

In the world of addictions treatment, falling off the wagon or losing control of your compulsions or addictions is not to be taken as a large long term problem, but is considered and treated as a one time mistake that is easily corrected and you return to your course.  If taken too seriously the addict would tend to continue to stay off the wagon, shamed and embarrassed that they had lost control.  In treatment they call it a simple relapse , so, for example, if you had been “clean” for 25 days and you indulged one day, you would then say, I’ve been clean 26 days with one relapse.  This gives the addict the opportunity to get right back on track and continue the course they had worked hard to start.  I use the word clean as addictions are usually drinking or drug use; however, compulsive behaviours like gambling, smoking, weight control, overeating, eating certain foods, and the gambit of sexual needs (I’ve really talked enough about sex lately so I’m skimming over this one on purpose) are all really in the same boat.

We must allow ourselves to fail, now and again, to learn from that failure, and to get right back up on track where we had started.  Our road has not ended, nor should we feel we are done just because we fell off track for a particular reason.

I have often fallen off the wagon of my training, I don’t leave my desk at work until it’s time to leave to get my daughter, and there is no time for working out then.  I get home, have dinner, have that glass of wine and poof there will be no workout tonight.  I’ve been very solid on my plan for the last couple of months, but last year was a different story altogether.  Each morning you have to get back up and say, today I’m back on track.

Yesterday was supposed to be a swim day for me, today my day off – I think I’m going to try going swimming today at 4pm to get it in… messing with the plan slightly, but still staying mostly on track.  This is what commitment to your goals means. It means allowing yourself some flexibility, allowing yourself to fail, allowing yourself permission to forgive yourself and get back on track – it truly is that easy.

I find myself falling off track of my goals for the 100 days, starting to make excuses in my mind of what is falling off and what “technically” isn’t… yes, I’m bad,  Yes, I think too much, and Yes, I won’t ever change – but I am still in control of my path and you are too…  We just have to stay focused and get right back on the pathway we started.

So it really doesn’t matter if you’ve failed, if you’ve been beaten, if you are shamed. All that really matters is that you stand back up again, and try.  Now is the time to get up and walk, crawl, whatever you can manage.  What has happened in the past is gone to you, what will happen in your future is also not yours… but what you do right this moment, is everything.  So let’s visualize what we want to be, who we want to be with, what will make life meaningful for us… and just move forward… J

One of my own personal quotes that I repeatedly tell my children in times of strife, is that we come from a long line of survivors (our ancestors survived the wars, the plagues, the environment, the scarcity of food etc…) so we have the genetic makeup for getting through these tough times.   Let’s take this life we have been granted and not let our own challenges prevent us from living fully.

Favourite quotes:

“We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.”
― Santosh Kalwar, Quote Me Everyday

“Every habit he's ever had is still there in his body, lying dormant like flowers in the desert. Given the right conditions, all his old addictions would burst into full and luxuriant bloom.”
― Margaret Atwood

And these last two … for every book addict out there :

“Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape.”
― Craig Ferguson, American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“This must be what an addict feels like, I think,
trying to fight the pull of one last, quick read. My fingers itch toward the binding, and finally, with a sigh of regret, I just grab the book and open it, hungrily reading the story.”
― Jodi Picoult, Between the Lines