Day 8
Let's talk about sex baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that make me
Let's talk about sex....
The song came out a decade (or two) ago, in an effort to show that we had changed as a society, that we were able to discuss sex openly. We still have a long way to go.
Yes, we have sex education in school and we are now becoming more open to discussions of sexuality but so much is the still so taboo.
When I was 17 I moved in with three guys. One of them was my best friend's older brother and his two buddies. I moved in to escape my father, not to have a relationship with any of the guys. When my very English grandfather found out, he stopped talking to me! Lucky for me, and him, we became very close once I left for university and I saw him often when I came home on break. It was unbelievable that he would not speak to me based on what he believed was inappropriate behavior.
I've lived with guys in the military, and with my band mates who have become my best friends. People can judge, but living with a guy doesn't mean sex is involved.... Whether you want it that way or not! :-)
Talking about sex outside of committed relationships is still quite taboo, and judged harshly in many circles. I have my own personal judgement on what is right and wrong (for myself only) although, for others I believe anything goes as long as it doesn't harm anyone and involves adults. I consider myself pretty open minded.
So, if you think talking openly about sex is offensive, click away now. :-) perhaps I should have warned you off sooner.
So, some may wonder, as my rule #1 states no sex, does that mean I was addicted to it (gasp!!), and somehow need detox? No. Disappointedly not the case.
I will find this rule embarrassingly easy since I've only had sex with one person over the past months (in what feels like an eternity), so although 3 months more does take willpower to not engage, it isn't painful or unachievable, at least not for me.
I pride myself on having the will to do anything I set my mind to. I don't encourage you to follow suit.
I think everyone needs intimacy and sex on a regular basis. Keeps us sane, keeps us grounded, keeps us satiated.
Too often it is suggested that only men desire it, that women, especially after having children don't care. Since we don't talk about it openly enough, I don't know what is true for others but for me, I have tons of guy friends, if I'm dating a man sure he has to be interesting, we need to enjoy each others company, we need to have common interests, but if I can say so, I want the sex.
There seems to be so much game playing and secrecy surrounding dating and when it's okay to have sex and when it's not. On the first date it's wrong as you are giving it all away..... Why can't we be ourselves? Why can't we give it all away? What are we protecting ourselves from anyways?
The only thing I can note, that I need protection from is the societal inflicted shame, and my own negative talk. Would be nice to share intimacy with someone and not judge yourself unworthy just because they don't wish to develop the relationship further - that is not ours to control.
So my arrest on pursuing intimacy for 100 days creates the environment and chance for me to stop the negative talk that came along when I didn't hear from a guy that I had determined was good for me. How good is he if he isn't coming around?
I know I talk "tough" but truthfully I won't sleep with just anyone. I do get pretty specific in whom I choose - but if I choose a man, I do not want to wait for some special moment. I am not interested in playing any games, beating around the Bush, or being someone I'm not. I think it's fine being together precisely when you want to and mutually choose to.
In 92 more days, the choice will be mine. Right now, the choice is yours. Let's feel free to talk about it and enjoy it! XO
Favourite quotes:
Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature. - Marilyn Monroe
A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after. - Gloria Steinem
Sex is as important as eating or drinking and we ought to allow the one appetite to be satisfied with as little restraint or false modesty as the other. - Marquis de Sade
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