New beginnings

Today is Saturday November 15th around 6am.  The sun is just beginning to rise and a gorgeous orange hue is lining the base of the rich blue sky.  The trees outside my window are merely black silhouettes at this point.  I love that sky.  I'll miss this house, and my window.  I know I'll find another window and another view that I love, but I'm current etching this one into memory, so that I'll never forget it.

I find this time of year very pretty.  The frost on the ground is like tiny crystals.  Seeing my breath on the air, and feeling the crisp wind on my face makes me feel alive.  Everything slows down, the entire yard is still.  It is so peaceful and beautiful.



Today I need to get over to chapters to purchase next years calendar.  It is actually been the limiting factor in beginning my Ironman training.  You need the plan first, to take any action.  What I do, is I buy next years calendar, and beginning at the date of the race I work backwards with all the training I need to do to get to the race day.



That way each day, I open my calendar and know exactly what training I'm supposed to do.  I've been working with Gale Bernhardt's coaching plans for multisport athletes.  I bought the book a few years ago now when I began triathlons.  Based on the excellent results I had during my half Ironman, I'm convinced she knows what she is doing.

Once I have filled in the calendar, I will see when the real first day of hard core training begins.  I'm expecting it will be at the beginning of February.  I'm going to start today with the conditioning program.  I'll bike a little bit today, run a little bit tomorrow and start to swim next week.  Easy conditioning, nothing hard core.. the idea right now is to build the base for the muscle building that will start in January. All the training you should do in the winter months should be light, fun and easy.  Build a solid base for the muscle, power, and interval training to come.

The next big challenge for me is nutrition.  Nutrition in short distance races is quite simple and you can make a lot of mistakes without destroying your body too much.  In a 12 hour Ironman, the nutrition base you've built up by how you eat during your training, I believe, is critical.  I want to be healthy during the process and have a great finish to the race... so eating appropriate levels of carbs, proteins, vitamins and minerals during the next year and the plan for the race is my biggest challenge.

Checklist this week:
Make a plan for the race
Get a book on nutrition
Start easy conditioning in swimming, biking, and running
Mostly - have fun

Last day. 99 of 100 days of Me - Thank YOU.

I saved the best for last.  

YOU 

I didn't start this blog without inspiration from the people in my life. I won't name you, as I've stayed true to not naming anyone for 100 days in this blog.  But you know who you are.  You mean the world to me. I won't forget the difference you've made.

You told me I was valued and worth more than what I was giving myself credit for.  I believed you.  

I didn't write in isolation - it was you -  my friends, and family - that inspired me, motivated me and kept me thinking.  

I will never be alone.  I am loved.  I know that to be true.  

I've had so many great comments on these blogs.  

Thank you so so VERY much for these... you felt I made your day? but truly, you MADE MINE.  :)

"very thought-provoking Karen"

"this is a very interesting blog"

"very vulnerable of you and honest, transparent and helpful too"

"well said"

"very touching post, and you are so right on"

"You should go ahead and write your book"

"this is beautiful"

"great job"

"your timing on your fb post is amazing"

"I hope you don't mind, I sent your link to a friend"

"you are a great writer"

"really inspirational stuff"

"thanks for all the inspiration"

"I really needed that"

"what you are doing, is really cool"

I was even sent a gift in the mail.  A triathlon drinking glass, that I'll cherish forever.  

Saying that, you should know that not everyone appreciated the blog, and some felt it was too much honesty, some felt it was superficial, and some likened it to a hallmark ad.  I lost a friend in the process but I am glad they were honest.  I appreciate that not everyone will agree with my decisions and not everyone will ever understand my journey.  

Lesson Learned:  I have learned over these 100 days, that, not only can I survive myself just fine, but I've been taught, by you, that I have a place in this world, that writing is my freedom, and that not only can I heal myself through this means, but I can make a difference, and help to heal others.

Thank you for being there for me, for reading my blog, for giving me an outlet for my thoughts, inspiring me to keep on the path forward, for sharing your feelings and mostly for your love.   

When we love each other, we carry each other though life, and make the journey so worthwhile.

All my love,

Karen

xo

2 days remain - 98 days of 100 days of me - but It's not about me ;)

With only 2 days remaining, I seriously can't believe the time has passed so quickly.  I entitled the blog 100 days of me... but it was never about me ;) it was always simply for me.  Turns out - It isn't about you either... but is sure has become for you.  More on that, in tomorrow's blog....

#9 Lesson Learned: Not about you.

I had one of the biggest crushes of my life when I was only 13.  I was foolishly head over heels.  In my mind he was perfect... so good looking to me, so interesting, we laughed alot, and had much in common, and yes, he played guitar - I admired that instrument, even then.  He was 15 years old.  He had written me a song, which for the life of me, I can't remember a single word of it now.  He handed me the piece of paper with the words, and began to play and sing for me.  Wow! I was so impressed that he played the guitar and sang me this song, his back up against an old tree, sitting in the park outside his apartment where his family lived.  I was beside myself in bliss.  This love affair ended rather abruptly, as most relationships do at 13 years old... and I was heartbroken.  I was sure I was the problem.  If I had been prettier, funnier, better, something, anything!! Someone help me figure it out! Tell me what I needed to do, to BE.... why wasn't I the one for him!! Why wasn't I loved by him??? how tragic it was in my tiny mind.  Can you imagine?? I was 13.  For crying out loud.. how could I have possibly felt that way.  Without going into all the details that I've already shared in previous blogs, I was destroyed.  What I didn't know then, but is so obvious now, was that it had absolutely NOTHING to do with ME.  It rarely ever does.  How could it have possibly been about a girl who he knew nothing about?  Sweet and innocent, a full life ahead, and I darn well nearly squandered it... over something that had nothing to do with me.

As we get older, this sensitivity we have towards ourselves doesn't disappear, we carry it well into adulthood and we find ourselves questioning so many levels, in our work, in our relationships, in our hobbies, in almost anything we do... but it isn't about us.  They don't really know us.  The decisions and choices that other people make in their lives, are important to them and do not reflect on what or who we are.  They know themselves and they know what they want and need for themselves, somehow, when they look out at you, at me, they don't see what they are looking for - does that mean we aren't good enough? Of course not - it means we aren't for them.  I've said earlier that just because this isn't your destiny, doesn't mean you don't have one... you simply have another one.  We have another path to follow... don't be afraid to walk it. Start with the first step.

I began the blog to learn to find the means to not question who I am.  Through sharing these thoughts and evaluating what is really important in life, I have found it.  We all need regular reminders - true - but I know who I am, and if I'm not what you need, or what you are looking for - it's okay! I'm okay with that.  I think we need to spend more time feeling glad for someone else's adventures, and dreams and less time wishing or being jealous ourselves.  I sincerely hope you all do find what you are looking for.  BE TRUE TO YOURSELF and stop doubting based on what other's do, react, say, or believe.  It doesn't matter what they think. It doesn't matter what I think.  You must be of your own mind.

Our value is not based on someone else's choices! Can you imagine that you see two guys who want to make the soccer team, and there is only one spot left. By some selection criteria one guy is selected over the other.  Is the other guy done? Is his life over? Should he give up soccer? Give up life? GOSH NO!  you'll say that is ridiculous but then turn around and feel broken if you didn't get chosen in a job, in a team, in a relationship.  Our hind sight is so clear.  If only we can try to work on the foresight of being smarter and stronger right up front, when life is giving us a new card.... can we take it with pride and move on?

I believe our value should be purely based on what we can contribute to the world around us, and I can tell you, we have so much to give.  If we as a society spent more time worrying about what we could do to better the lives of those around us, rather than wallowing in our own self pity of why our lives weren't fulfilled enough - we'd surely have a better world and a better self image.

So the lesson learned:  It isn't about you.  It certainly hasn't been about me.  Be strong.  Be yourself. Take care of others... all else will take care of itself...

Some select lyrics from another favourite song... "Good Enough" by Sarah McLachlan

....I never would have opened up
but you seemed so real to me
after all the bullshit I've heard
it's refreshing not to see
I don't have to pretend....

...who's there that makes you so afraid
you're shaken to the bone
and I don't understand
you deserve so much more than this

So don't tell me why
he's never been good to you
don't tell me why
he's never been there for you
don't you know that why
is simply not good enough
so just let me try
and I will be good to you
just let me try
and I will be there for you
I'll show you why
you're so much more than good enough...

xo

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay.” 
― Will Smith

3 days remain - 97 days of 100 - NO Such thing as Pain

I have felt pain intensely throughout my life.   There have been times I felt it was unbearable.

On day 76, just two days after my race, I wrote about what pain feels like to me.  Go back and read this blog if you have the chance.  I was feeling every word I wrote that day.  The physical pain of the impact of the race, and the pain one feels when love taken a good bite.

I'm here to tell you, that one of top lessons I've learned in the last 100 days, is that there is no such thing as pain.  It is all in your mind, and you do have a choice to stop feeling it.

Crazy.  I know... but let me explain.

Caveat - I am not referring to pain caused by a medical situation - anyone who has suffered an illness that brings upon an intolerable pain and is non curable is not an area in which I have any knowledge or advice... 

Wikipedia explains that regular exposure to pain will increase your tolerance to pain.  I have experienced this in my training.  Running a 5k was incredibly painful in the beginning, but with repeated running this distance, the body soon became accustomed to the pain, and further distance was achieved before pain would set in.  Of course, simultaneously, my body became stronger, managed oxygen and carbohydrates better, grew muscle mass and became more efficient at running.  I now can run 3 hours with minimal pain, however, upon adventuring into the 4th hour my body begins to tell my brain it is too much and I begin to feel the pain of my efforts.


Have you ever cut yourself, and at first the pain is LOUD and obvious but it soon decreases to nearly a null?  This is because the nervous system is telling you, your brain, that there is a problem.  Once the brain is aware, that you know there is a problem and are dealing with it, the pain diminishes.  This is true in so many area's of our physical realm.   I have often used this knowledge to my advantage.  As soon as I feel pain, I tell myself (yes, I do talk to myself) "I know.  I feel it.  It's okay.  You don't need to tell me anymore".  My brain then moves on, and the pain diminishes.  We have the power of mind over matter.  We only need to read about so many historical lessons in this knowledge to realize the power we truly have over our bodies, and especially our sensitivity to pain.




Why do you think taking a pain killer stops the pain? - it basically interferes with the messages travelling along the nervous system to the brain, either at the site of the injury, in the spinal cord or in the brain itself.  Thus if you can take something to stop the brain from telling you there is pain, then you can tell your brain you don't need the message sent.  Mind over matter.






I really do believe we have a choice.  I say that even though I still feel.  I haven't yet mastered this advice, but I do believe it is true and it is a lesson I wish to share and continue to practice.

Wikipedia also indicates that in some cases there is evidence to support the theory that "the greater exposure to pain will result in more painful future exposures."  They say that having repeated incidents and exposure to pain teaches your body to respond quicker to minor pain in future.  Once bitten twice shy? Yes.  But I believe we have power over our minds here too... do not allow your mind to dictate what you can, or cannot tolerate.  It is only a nervous system. It isn't real.



Think about when you've gone to the dentist to get a cavity filled.  The dentist will normally use a topical anesthetic. This gel is used to numb the oral mucosa in a specific area where the injection is going to take place. This creates a temporary numbing of the nerve endings, making the injection less painful.  So if our nerve endings are the only things telling us something is painful, pain isn't real.

I was recently at the physiotherapist for my whiplash being treated by "electrotherapy".  She basically placed four pads on my upper back below my neck, and had an electrical current applied through them, which I was told convinces the brain that there is pain in a specific area, causing the brain to bring in potent chemicals to help "cure" and repair the area.  If we can fake pain in the brain, we can also remove it.  Ourselves. Without drugs or painkillers. Mind over matter.  I believe we have this choice.

So you are afraid to get hurt ? What is being hurt ? It is the brain telling us we've had a painful experience... I think if we can be smart, we will quickly thank the brain for this feedback, and move on.  Life is too short to stop living, feeling, and loving because we might get hurt again.

Yes, we could miss the pain... but we'd have to miss the dance.  I choose to dance.  The dance for me, is much more worth it, than to be safe and protected.

If and when the pain begins... I'll be ready.  Just like racing the Ironman next year, I know it is going to hurt.  I'm ready for it.  I'll talk myself through it.  I'll put my mind over the matter... with strength and motivation... I'll convince my brain that I'm going to survive this pain, that it will not take me over, it will not stop me from progressing, and not only will I endure and finish that race, I will rise above the pain of love lost... and I will love again.   You can too.  Have no fear, and know your pain is all in your mind.  If you can get through that challenge, there is nothing you cannot achieve.

Do we have any choice in life but to get our minds around surviving our pain? I don't think so.  If we don't overcome it, we succumb to it... and where are we then?

I have proven to myself, that I can be hurt physically and emotionally and I'm still here.
So why would I back away in fear now??

Live on.
xo

"I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.”
― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun

“Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.”
― Lance Armstrong, Every Second Counts

“One word
Frees us of all the weight and pain of life:
That word is love.”
― Sophocles

“I was not allowed to think of him. That was something I tried to be very strict about. Of course I slipped; I was only human. But I was getting better, and so the pain was something I could avoid for days at a time now. The trade-off was the never-ending numbness. Between pain and nothing, I'd chosen nothing.”
― Stephenie Meyer, New Moon






 

4 days remain - 96 days of 100 - The Music Inspires

I feel a little bit like The Count as I create these blog pages... "...FOUR!, FOUR! pages remain... bah ha ha ha ha.... "

If you do not know The Count von Count, you have been isolated too long, brought up in another country, or were just born.  Anyone from my era, my province, knows who this famous and sexy cartoon man is. :) Yes, I am getting old and slightly ridiculous in the process...

Lesson #7 Is the gift of music



Without music, I'm not sure I would have survived so many times in life.  A simple song gave me so much power to progress, improve, fight harder, try more, believe in love, believe in a future... I can't imagine a world without music - although our ancesters did exist with it only coming from their Sundays in Church - no wonder they loved to attend faithfully ;)

In fact, I began my own music career singing in St. Gabriel's Parish here in Ottawa, a cappella, songs for the congregation there at the Saturday night mass.  I sang because I loved it. I sang because I hoped it made people happy and more complete.  One day a couple came up to me and asked me if I would sing with them in their three part harmony group.  I ecstatically agreed, and had some of the very best musical experiences ever with two people who became family to me.   It began the years of singing that I've continued to love.

It is music with a deep beat (You know it's all about that Bass...), great harmonies, beautiful melodies and lyrics that tap into my soul, that I love the most.

When I was 17 I left home and lived with friends for a time, to finish high school and get out of bad situation.  I needed very much to get back on track, get back to a real home (good, bad or whatnot), apply to university, to leave that city that I dearly loved, to achieve a better life for me. I didn't want to go back to that house, but one night while sitting there listening to the Much Music videos, the song "Try" by Blue Rodeo came on.  I still cry inside when I hear that song.  It really is all about me (I know you think it was written by them for someone else, but I'm here to correct you ;)).  Jim Cuddy was talking specifically to me when he sang:

So many people said
Girl you've got nothing but time
You are a shining star
Don't worry about what you're leaving behind.
Every time you walk in the room
I couldn't ever be sure of a smile
You were never the same way twice,
I'm falling in love
Oh, night after night - oh it's crazy...

Oh you got to try, try, try.

With his words I moved back home, and I tried hard to survive it just long enough to get into university, get a scholarship with the military and be off to Montreal to attend McGill.  It was tough, but I truly don't know that I would have walked that road, without that song! Is that not crazy? Maybe, but it is the music that inspires me to go on.

No matter how difficult and challenging life got for me, especially in bad relationships and in bad circumstances the haunting and beauty of the lyrics of "the Rose" continued to inspire me to be better, to give more, to be open to the journey, as it was going to get better - mostly to have NO FEAR:

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give,
And the soul afraid of dyin'
That never learns to live.

There are great songs from so many different eras, by many great artists that inspire strength and surviving your tough times - a VERY short list of some of my favourites: "Can't Hurry Love", by the Supremes (or Phil Collins);"Survivor" by Destiny's Child (Featuring Da Brat); "Hero" by Mariah Carey; "Let It Be" by the Beatles; "Lean on Me" written by Bill Withers (some great newer recordings of this one); "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera; "Blowin in The Wind" by Bob Dylan; or "Bring me to Life" by Evanescence...

So on hard days, on tough days, there is likely a song that will inspire you, and give you the hope and strength you need to not fret the moment, but live on and believe in yourself.  For me, over these last weeks, it has been "Crazy Girl" by Eli Young Band.  In my imagination, the man of my dreams is right here in front of me, singing this song to me, telling me I've got nothing in this world to be concerned over - because he loves me... and I believe him, truly.  xo

Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you? 
And I wouldn't dream of goin' nowhere 
Silly woman, come here, let me hold you 
Have I told you lately? 
I love you like crazy, girl

5 days remain - 95 days of 100 days of me - Be yourself

"Don't just be yourself, but allow yourself to BE" - unknown.

With only 5 days remaining, one of the very top lessons learned and taken on, whole heartedly, is the following one: Be yourself.  Be proud of who you are.

I really love the quote above.  It really is important to let yourself be.  Don't you dare question who you are, or your value just because you don't get that promotion you were looking for, or, you don't accomplish that time you wanted in a race, or, you don't catch the eye of someone you really admired, or you don't hear from someone that you really hoped was missing you....

Let yourself be. It is almost always NEVER about you.

And to be truthful, if it is IS about you - then it isn't meant to be, but something else is...   Be strong enough to walk forward and be open minded to what may come of it.

Don't think that I walk around feeling super positive every day.  There are so many moments of doubt that come - and swiftly get their buts kicked before they settle into my psyche :)  All kidding aside, there is no one thing that will prevent us from doubting, from worrying, from being negative. But the number one thing you can do, that gets you out of that funk as quickly as humanly possible, is repeating those words that bring you back down, land you on your feet, and remind you, that everything happens for a reason, and you're going to be okay.

Top 5 rules to live by:

1. stay true to your values, be yourself
2. be open minded
3. be forgiving
4. Don't live like you're dying - you'll likely die doing so... but live large and be smart about it
5. Just live... and stop worrying about where your life is going... just live it.



Some days are always tougher than others.  You need to keep your quotes handy - you need to have resources to draw upon to keep on walking forward.  The quote about always getting back up comes to mind - that even if we knock ourselves down - just keep standing back up, and keep walking forward.  I believe our purpose in life is to simply survive it.  We've come from a long line, of survivors - so don't think you don't have what it takes.  You do. :)

Be yourself, so you can be proud, and satisfied with those who love you for who you are. xo




Little side note: TOP BLOGS

Funny what a title will do to draw attention to a statement.  My top blog to date is the one I entitled SEX.  It didn't even get very raunchy or direct, but people came to read it because of the title :).  I'll have to write another sex blog one day.  One day!!

My top blogs:

Day 8 of 100 days of me - sex.
111 views!

100 days of ME begins today
Aug 5, 2014, 2 comments
96 views

Day 10 – Falling off the wagon
Aug 15, 2014
93 views

Day 5 of 100 days of ME - I knew you were trouble...
Aug 10, 2014
80 views

Day 35 - the crash
Sep 9, 2014
75 views

Day 3 of 100 days of ME - Music and our destiny......
Aug 8, 2014
72 views

Day 75 of 100 days of Me - I'm Staying.
Oct 19, 2014
71 views

Regrets
Jan 30, 2013, 1 comment
71 views

Day 7 - of silencing the mind
Aug 12, 2014, 1 comment
64 views

6 days remain - 94 of 100 days of Me - Ruthless.

I started to write last night about one of the top lessons I learned in focusing on living and paying attention to what you are doing right now, but I got too tired to finish.  This morning when I woke, my attitude about this blog had changed direction, and I have molded it to suit what I really need to write about.

Ruthlessness.

to act without pity or compassion; cruel; merciless; opportunism.

I have great difficulty ever being ruthless. It goes against my very being, my very core.  I love putting energy into helping people.  Seeing people happy, makes me happy.  If someone is hurt, or sad, it destroys a small part of me.  I then have great difficulty causing more harm by being ruthless.

This is a problem in business environment when management expects you to make decisions that do not take emotion or concern for others into the picture.  As I am a manager, I am required to sometimes act without pity or mercy.  I do not do well in this world.  It destroys a small part of my very being.

In sports it is much the same.  If you want to win, you must be ruthless in your training and in your mindset in beating others - being better, on top of and ahead of, others.  There is no team when there is only one spot for first place.  As you can imagine, my core is different than this persona... perhaps why I am normally second, and third place.



The lack of being ruthless can be a problem in our lives when we let people walk all over us.  There is a middle ground of course, but I'm often to the left of it, myself.  I believe in my approach to such an extent and I remain in peace of mind because of it.  I believe my life will be better because I cared, even though it means I'll come out with less money, less material, less "success".  I guess, deep inside, success for me is being left at peace.  Peace of mind is more important to me than money, houses, things.  I don't mean I want to be alone, without people. I mean I don't want to fight, I am not interested in harming others for my gain.  I want to be in a place where we can just be happy and be free, with my friends, laughing, playing, living...  I know what you are thinking... this idealism is non existent.

In this world, we are not always allowed this freedom and we do need to stand up and fight, and be ruthless for it.  I was trained in the military to fight, to shoot, to stand guard.  I would have to pull that trigger and kill another human if that person were to encroach on my country's freedom, my child's freedom, my peace.  I would not enjoy doing so but I acknowledge I'd have to, and I know I'd find the courage to do so.



Despite all this, I remain true to my core beliefs.  That there is a better life when you have peace of mind, when you look after people, when you let go of material concerns, and allow living and loving to be the main focus of your being.



The Greeks were best and leaders in this area - yet there are plenty of stories of the ruthless Greeks as well.

My daughter this morning was showing me magic tricks.  I asked her if she believed there could ever be real magic, or was it always slight of hand and trickery of the mind.  She answered that she didn't believe in real magic that it was always based on tricks and slight of hand, but that she did believe in Karma.  I reminded her that I believed in Karma too... that I believe if we are good to people, animals, life... that it comes back to us, maybe not now, maybe not in the same form, nor by those same individuals, but it comes back and our lives are fulfilled for it.

The only time you'll find me being "ruthless" - without pity or merci - is with myself.  I do not let myself have excuses to not work hard at my job, workout in my training, or do the things the people I love need me to do for them, "pain is nothing" I say.

I do not let myself give up - the journey is far more rewarding than the fear of the end - as everything always works itself out....

I also, make time for my writing to the ruthless detriment of all other jobs that need doing in my life - as I know it fulfills me, and makes me a better person.  It opens my heart to love, and then that love comes into my life, and grants me the strength to continue to be exactly who I am.

7 days remain - 93 days of 100 - Write it down

Top 10 Countdown - #7: Writing it down is everything

I have been writing in a journal since I was 18 years old.  Actually, to be technical, I've been writing in a diary since I was 8 - give or take.  The writing out of your feelings, your expectations, your highlights and your concerns, is so fulfilling and gives you the opportunity to grow and achieve more than you would have otherwise.

When you write it down, you on one hand, expunge yourself of all concern by getting it out on paper, then on other other hand, you focus your thoughts on those things that are important to you - and in consequence your dreams, come true.

Anything I've ever written, that I wished for, or wanted, has come to pass.
Write it down.

Write what you want, and watch it come to life.

In day 14 I wrote about the book "The Secret" and what a big difference it made for me.  Try it - there is truly nothing to lose yet everything to gain.

The Lesson: When you take the time every day to write out what you are thinking and wishing it not only allows you to free your mind, but it allows you to focus on the real dreams, and what you think becomes what you do, and what you do, becomes your reality....  write it down.

8 days remain - 92 days of 100 - Top 10 Countdown

Top 10 Countdown - #8: Silencing the mind, finding positive influences, music, people and activities



Change your thoughts and you'll change your own world. Silence your mind and you'll never need to worry again about those complicated, negative thoughts.

The moment that I began thinking anything that went against a positive, upbeat and complimentary approach, I'd stop myself in my tracks.  I won't allow it.  There are a few songs I have in hand, that as soon as I started to feel negative, I'd put on, and they would redirect me immediately.  Our lives are far too short to sit and wallow in misery, to even feel sad, not good enough or disappointed in life... far too short.

I too, have been so lucky to have found friends that I could write and tell them I was feeling down that I needed them to pick me up and immediately they would do exactly that.

You need to have handy great music that will remind you how good life is.
You need to have friends you can write, who'll be there for you, write you back and remind you what is important.

Then you are alone, and there isn't anyone around to talk to.  What then? Then you need activities, those things you love to do alone that will cheer you up, make you feel alive and satisfied.

Write
Draw
Paint
Sing
Play an instrument
Play games
Run
Walk
Bike
Love your children
Love your family
Take care of a stranger
DO SOMETHING....

There is always something. There is also the silence.

Find a way to love the silence. Meditate.  Find a place quiet and alone.  Set a timer for 10 minutes, close your eyes and think of nothing.  Ideas will come. Tell them no.  Stress will try to seep in. Tell it no.  There is time to think later, time to stress anytime... now, right now, you will think of nothing but peace. Smell the air, breathe slowly.  Know that you are okay. All is going to be okay.

There have been times in the last year that I was so overwhelmed and sad... sad for loss, sad that things were not going to go my way in life.  But I found that living through them, experiencing these moments were far more valuable to me, than missing them altogether.  I won't shy away from pain.  I won't be afraid of loss.  Silence the mind and walk forward... the world is balanced, and there is far more happiness to be gained from those experiences than the pain that could come....

"Everything that kills me, makes me feel alive" - Counting Stars

Lesson learned:  Being silent and alone is the best time to truly know yourself, and know what you want in life.  Don't be afraid to spend time with yourself.  Music is your best friend, and will speak to you in ways no one ever can - have the best songs on hand to lift you up, get involved in activities that you love, and don't ever think you are lonely - there is always a friend out there who loves you.  Just say the word, they'll be there.

xo

9 days remain - 91 of 100 days of Me - Top 10 Countdown

Top 10 Countdown - #9: Living in the now - no past, no future, no regrets, no worries

Sorry to admit, I am still not finished reading "The Power of Now", but I will (thank you for listening, and caring enough to bring it in for me and now giving me endless time to complete it ;)).  So far, I've learned so much from beginning this book, and working on living in the moment.  It is so interesting, the concept that if you only concentrate on right now, you truly have no problems at all.

The problems we have, are with our feelings about what has past, or our worries about what may come.  If we simply acknowledge that the past is gone and the future non existent, then we sit with only now, only this moment.  What is truly wrong right now? Not too much.

Eckhart Tolle writes that we find true love, joy, and peace in the spaces between our stream of thought.  He writes that these gaps occur in rare moments, especially when the mind is rendered speechless. We need to work on silencing our minds, for moments at a time, each day to allow for these spaces to occur. It is when you STOP worrying, that these moments have a chance to thrive.

Just when you begin to worry about what may come, you need to stop yourself in your tracks and understand that you only have control over what you do right now - so say what you need to say, do what you need to do, because it is important to you right now - with no worry about the future state.

We cannot ignore decisions that will affect our future.  We cannot pretend things are okay, when they are not; however, we must take the time to appreciate and look after this moment right here in front of us, as it is all we truly have.

The Lesson: You will be surprised how much happier you will be, when you let go of your past, and let the future come in it's own course.  Make decisions based on right now, be satisfied with who you are right now, look around, and realize - this is good, and everything really is okay, right now. So, live on with no regrets, be strong and be yourself, with no worries.  Right now the world is ready for you to live in it's presence.

10 days remain - 90 days of 100 days of Me - Top 10 Countdown begins

I actually can't believe there are only 10 days remaining.  When I began it seemed as if it were an eternity to commit to.  There is so much more to say, so much more to write, but these next 10 days  will focus on my top 10 lessons learned.  They could go in any order, as they are all important to me.

I'll begin with my favourite lesson: Love and the Rules of the Game.

The whole 100 day blog began with me not understanding love and the rules of the game.  Love does not come because you want it to, it doesn't arrive when you are searching for it, it doesn't walk up to you because you need it.... it arrives precisely when you have decided you are going to be perfectly okay, without it.

I began by deciding I was not going to look for love, I was completely and entirely ready to be single. No consideration of love, no looking for a love interest.  I created four rules for myself that I felt would prevent and protect me from going down this path. They were my measuring stick for my behaviour, to guide me through the journey of finding myself.  The point of the journey, was not to live life without men, but to make absolutely sure I did not lose sight of myself, with them.  I felt that if I focused on myself in a positive way for 100 days I would make sure I would not become down or negative emotionally if a guy wasn't interested in a relationship with me.

It worked.

The more I focused on me, I most definitely became stronger, and I stayed completely in control of myself and my needs.  What happened next is the stuff that great stories and novels are made of.  I find it the most interesting and strangest phenomenon, that life happens to you exactly in those moments where you aren't concerned for what may come. You tend to find what you are "looking for", precisely at the moment you decide to stop looking.

I love the song by Avicii where he writes, "All this time I was finding myself, And I didn't know I was lost".

My rules were four simple ones:

#4 DO THINGS ALONE.  No more looking for a man to go on adventures, go on trips, come with me camping, to go with me to sporting events, to go with me to concerts nor to support me in my competitions.  I will attend all functions with girlfriends, or alone.  No more having fear of doing anything without a man with me.

I did many things alone, I wrote many blogs about how to handle being alone, how to stay positive and how to enjoy your time and freedom on your own.  I am completely okay with doing things alone, I went out a number of times to open mic's, went to a club to watch a football or hockey game, and had dinner out alone (does it still count if the bartender kept me company ??) :)  Rarely did I ever feel alone, and often people came up and were great company.

#3 No obsessing over anyone (I write this at the same time I check facebook one last time in case he has logged in to write me… I SO need help).  No checking to see if a letter is written, no looking at cell phone for a text – even if they do text it doesn’t mean they care about you nor want a relationship with you.

I was equally good at not obsessing. I stayed completely cool at accepting what came and what didn't come.  I spent time focusing on the present, not the future.  What was happening right now was all that mattered and what would come, would come - of that I had no control.  I knew that I only had control over this moment, and I wasn't going to waste it worrying or obsessing about the unknowns.

#2 Hanging out with men is perfectly okay, hugging goodbye even – French pecks on each cheek, no problem – but I know the line I cannot cross even if my heart wants to.  No more than friendship, no discussion of relationships, no flirting, no promises of the future.  

True, I did pretty good at this rule also.  Any teacher would not have scored me a full 100% grade, but I'm quite positive I passed.  In my associations, there was no real discussion of a future, definitely no promises, and absolutely no expectations - I continue to take each and every day as a journey of it's own and will not put any energy into what may never come to pass.  That is future state, I've said.  It isn't something to decide on or worry over, now.

#1 No sex, no kissing, no getting together, no giving away one’s heart.  I am single.  I will remain single in my very core, in my heart, in my mind, and in my actions for 100 days. (this is going to kill me for sure ;))

It didn't kill me, mostly because I stopped listening to this rule.  I liked Mark Twain's advice instead:

"Life is short. Break the Rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss Slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, and Never regret ANYTHING that makes you smile"

I felt rule number one would only affect me if I behaved as though I was in a relationship. So, I chose not to do that.  I made the conscious choice to remain single.

As I wrote in an earlier blog, this challenge was never meant to remain celibate.  It was not my need, wish, or want to be alone, or away from men. It was not an attempt to understand what being single was like. It most especially was not a time to mourn, nor recover.  It was purely a journey to remain positive and focused on myself.

To this end I have accomplished that goal; however, it was in the process of working on me, remaining solo and strong, not needing anyone but myself, that the man of my dreams walked right into the room, sat down in front of me and smiled.  Mark Twain's quote came to mind "to never regret anything that makes you smile."  Smiling back, I knew immediately, I'd never be the same.

In my mind, we may have the power to choose to remain single forever, but our hearts will always have a plan all their own, for mine has packed up and flown off on a journey to the warmest, most serene and surreal of landscapes... it makes me so happy inside, I wouldn't consider asking it to return.

Fly on...

The Lesson Learned ? 

Love yourself first; create rules that give your life structure, meaning and protection - then allow yourself the freedom to be open minded, break your rules, and find pure happiness in living fully; for there are no rules in love, only that you must take care of yourself first.  You must remain whole and in that moment where you are happy with who you are, you may be surprised to find others who think you are pretty damn awesome too.

11 days remain - 89 days of 100 - I don't go back

Tomorrow I'll begin with the countdown, of the 10 greatest lessons I've learned on this journey. Today I want to recollect the 11th day of my 100 days of me.  I was looking introspectively at how I made decisions and then questioned the merit of them, down into outright feeling embarrassed by them and wishing I hadn't made that choice.  I noted that I felt it important to make the decision and don't look back, live in the moment, and do not accept regret as an option.

I haven't looked back in the last 80 plus days.  I have looked at the blogs I wrote to remind myself what my goals were but in my own journey, I have not looked back.  Not once in fact.  This is partly due to the positive approach I've given to myself, but another largely contributing factor is the promise I made myself years ago - I don't go back.  

This applies to the simplest things like passing a gas station and deciding I'll stop at the next one rather than turn around.  Forgetting something at home and deciding I will make due without it as I will not drive back to get it.  To the more complicated things like forgetting bad things that have happened to me, moving on from a relationship and not looking back, forgetting the stress of the harm that may have been caused to me and being social with those people I would have otherwise been forever upset with.  I haven't necessarily forgiven them, I just don't give any energy to remembering, worrying, or focusing on the negative. I move on... I let it all go....

I don't go back.

I do not regret my decisions. 

An ex is an ex for a reason... 

“Always focus on the front windshield and not the review mirror" - Colin Powell

This may sound silly but it has been my saving grace throughout my life.  I spend all my energy looking ahead, thinking about what is important, what would make me happy, who is a good friend and worthy of my time, and what adventures I will get involved in to add value to my life and to those around me.  I am a runner... I run to get to the finish line, I do not look over my shoulder at the racers behind me.  I may hear them, I may feel them breathing, but I never look back.  I push myself forward faster believing they may catch up to me - they may not even be there.... 

We don't always know where we are headed, and we certainly can't tell if it is the right path.  There are plenty of risks and chance for pain along the way, but we must stay steady on the course.  We will know when it is not the right way, and can redirect anytime.  There is always time to change our course but do so without regret to what could have been - that does not belong to us.

There is a song by Doris Day that was one of my favourites as a little girl.  My grandmother used to sing it to me, and it truly embodes that sense of not worrying for the future, and certainly not looking back at the past:

Que Sera, Sera,

Whatever will be, will be

The future's not ours, to see

Que Sera, Sera

What will be, will be.

When I was young, I fell in love

I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead

Will we have rainbows, day after day

Here's what my sweetheart said.

Que Sera, Sera,

Whatever will be, will be

The future's not ours, to see

Que Sera, Sera

What will be, will be.

- We will never know for sure, but it is worth it to just keep moving forward.  To not know is part of the dance. Live, love, and laugh with no regrets.

"Yes my life is better left to chance, I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance" - Garth Brooks

xo

12 days remain - 88 of 100 days - Being Alone

I am the oldest child in my family.  I spent five long years alone before my brother came along and only met my other 3 sisters and brother when I was 18 years old.  I was not needy of my parents - they did adult things, I did kid things.  I played alone.  I would take the old sewing pattern books that my aunt was finished with and I would cut out people out of them.

   

I loved making stories out of the characters I'd cut out.  I'd proceed to create different families and friendships with all the paper dolls and sometimes I'd even write the stories down.  I played "house" all the time.  I can even remember that when I would take a bath the shampoo bottles became people to me, and I'd have them talk to each other.  Is that crazy? ;)  Perhaps this taught me that being alone was okay, and could even be fun.

I wasn't alone all the time, as I'd go out and play with friends who lived in my neighbourhood, we'd bike and run up and down the street causing trouble of one sort or another, but I didn't need other people to have a good time.  I'm so proud of my daughter as she is very much the same as I was. She will sit alone for hours and draw cartoons, listen to music, read books, and play with her toys.  My older two children who are only 14 months apart don't like to be alone - perhaps because they always had each other, that being alone is too foreign a feeling for them.

            

As much as I am very comfortable alone, I am equally a very social person and love being around others.  I love to go to parties and spend time laughing with friends.  This week I actually had tears come to my eyes, when I realized I wouldn't be invited to some of the usual parties anymore since I was no longer with my husband and his friends would obviously not be able to continue the invitations under the circumstances.  This is the first year that I didn't attend a Halloween party at all. I didn't even dress up.  Halloween has always been a favourite time of year for me.  Seemed so surreal to me to be isolated from the life I had become very accustomed to, but never once have I regretted my alone time.

Although I was alone the majority of this weekend, I was never lonely, and I got so much done I'd been looking forward to accomplishing - I am very happy about this life.  I played the music I loved, I sang and danced while working away at laundry, cleaning, sorting, organizing, outdoor work, and repairs.



James Davies writes, "People tend to think that being alone directly correlates to loneliness. Being alone and being lonely are two different things. Loneliness is a negative state of mind where you are always longing for something to fill the void. Alone is a positive state of mind where you are always and constantly delighted in yourself."

I'd like to add to this that loneliness is a self imposed infliction where you are restless and feel you need another person to fulfill you.  Being alone is simply a state of not having others around, and may be taken negatively or positively - always a choice.  I believe we should try to be alone more often and find things that we love to do in those moments that make us happy and complete.  We can learn so much about ourselves in those moments in which we are alone.  It is only then that we should venture out to share with others.  I think if we are always counting on someone else to make us feel complete, it is far too much pressure on them to be there for you.  There are going to be plenty of times in our lives that people cannot be there for us - WE have to be there for ourselves.



There is no such thing as being unwanted. That is the mindset that must be squelched.  This is what we do to ourselves when we are in a negative state.  Precisely why I started the blog in the first place.  To break free from negative thoughts where I tried to convince myself that I wasn't okay alone.  I am completely okay alone.  I don't always want to be alone, but when I am, I am never bored as there are always so many things on my to do list that I either need to get done, or love to do.

Free from the influence and opinions of others, being alone is the one time we can fully be ourselves and enjoy the moment unrestrained.  Take advantage of your time alone - it can be priceless. xo

Other quotations:

“I have to be alone very often. I'd be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That's how I refuel." (Audrey Hepburn: Many-Sided Charmer, LIFE Magazine, December 7, 1953)”
― Audrey Hepburn

“I was lonely. I felt it deeply and permanently, that this state of being on my own might never disappear. But I welcomed the lonliness, which had everything to do with being anonymous. It's never lonliness that nibbles away at a person's insides, but not having room inside themselves to be comfortably alone.”
― Rachel Sontag, House Rules

“If you are never alone, you cannot know yourself.”
― Paulo Coelho, Manuscript Found in Accra

14 days remain - Day 86 of 100 - Passion

Passion: An intense emotion, compelling enthusiasm, or desire for anything.

On Day 14 of this blog I wrote a fair bit about the book "The Secret" and how it had been a very real experience for me.  I wrote also the four main things I say daily which I believe contribute to the positive environment in which I live.

I repeat to myself: I am happy, healthy, rich and have a life full of passion.  It is true.

I described how I felt I was affected by my wanting and believing I deserved passion in my life. 

In less than a year I have had the pleasure of having the very most passionate people walk into my life, become my dearest friends, and have inspired me to be everything I should have always been:

I play music again - I have a great passion for music and find myself listening, singing and playing guitar more now than I have been, in years.  

They have inspired me to accomplish the fitness goals I have always wanted to achieve (although I am currently on a bit of a recovery/break), I have signed up for the Full Ironman in Muskoka Aug 30th next year and am very excited to get started on my training for this incredible feat. 

Most of all, I have been inspired to be fully myself - I am not afraid to do anything, and to wear my heart on my sleeve in the process of it. I am not afraid of being in love, nor losing it. I am instead completely enthusiastic to experience whatever life will bring to me.

I wish for you to have Passion in your life.  That it will bring you great satisfaction and happiness, forever. 

xo

Other quotes worthy of note:

“Anyone who is observant, who discovers the person they have always dreamed of, knows that sexual energy comes into play before sex even takes place. The greatest pleasure isn't sex, but the passion with which it is practiced. When the passion is intense, then sex joins in to complete the dance, but it is never the principal aim.” 

― Paulo Coelho

“Passion has little to do with euphoria and everything to do with patience. It is not about feeling good. It is about endurance. Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer.” 

― Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves

 

15 Days Remain - Day 85 of 100 - Life Changing

There are some really amazing people in the world.  Sometimes we only know them from a distance, we read about them, we see them in the news, or we're told about them from a friend.  Other times, we get the opportunity to meet them in person, and if extremely fortunate, they become intertwined in our lives and we gain the benefit of their company and their love.

It's been two years almost to the day, since he left.  I had only known him for a short time but what I remember most about him, was how happy he was.  He was always smiling! He had a true love of life and his family.  He was so giving and generous.  He helped me fix a number of things around the house, would offer to help without blinking in fact, and didn't ask for anything in return - wouldn't accept a thing!  He welcomed my family into his, and treated us as his own.  His humour and character has made such an impact on me, that I will forever be changed.  I want to be as good as he was, and I hope to attract those kinds of spirits into my life.

      

I met another friend just last year, that impacted me much the same way.  He befriended me, supported me, encouraged me and was always there to be a positive influence through some of the most difficult times of my life.  I learned about who I really was and what I really wanted from my life, in those seemingly simple conversations.  They were life changing.  I will always value the advise and support he had given, in a way that I'm sure was not even noticed by him as being giving and generous is just the way he is.  There were things I didn't even realize about myself, that he knew.  Questions he asked me caused me to pause and think much more deeply about my situation that I'd ever reflected before. There were two main things that his words did to me, that will stay with me forever.  The first was to cause me to look deeply into those things that we think do not affect us - because perhaps they do.  The second was that just at the moment I was feeling like an alien in a world uncompromising, he promised me there was someone else in this world that thought just like me.  Little did I know at that time, how true his words were.  How can anyone look back at these life lessons and not feel strongly towards them.  You wonder sometimes what you've done in life that earned this kind of love and generosity.  How did I deserve this, and what can I do to ensure these people know how much I have valued them and want to return to them the positive influence, spirit, and love that they gave to me.



I've only chose and described two people here today, but there are many more women and men who have impacted my life.  I'll give more tributes in future blogs to those other's that have meant so much to me.  I'm sure you can think of those people whose spirit or words have made a tremendous difference in your own lives.  Sometimes when these people come into our lives, it leaves us changed forever.

I am very grateful to have had you in my life.  I will never be able to show you, pay you back, or describe with words - just how much I needed you. Thank you.



Some of the best ways to show people you love them is to give them a song.

This one is for you:

"You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you"

Celine Dion - Because you Loved Me.

16 days remain - 84 days of 100 - WHEN not IF.

When I graduate I'll find the job of my dreams

If I graduate, I'll find the job of my dreams

When I have saved 2000 dollars, I'm going to book a trip to Greece
If I have saved 2000 dollars, I'm going to book a trip to Greece

When we get together next, I will show you how much you mean to me

If we get together next, I will show you how much you mean to me

Which of these will actually take place? 

The ones where I said "when"? 

Or those where I said "if"? 

I think "When" implies the will and only lacks the timing, whereas "If" implies that regardless of time, it may NOT happen. There is doubt in the "if" statement.

The quote I saw today (posted below) stated to invest in those people who refer to "when" in a relationship.  If they are using "If" statements, then they are not truly sure about you.

To clarify the BBC writes, "If it is uncertain that something has happened or will happen, we have to use if:

• He'll be here soon, if he caught the 1.30 train.
• If I manage to get to Argentina next year, I'll come and visit you."

If it is certain that something has happened, is happening or will happen, we have to use when:

• When I arrived back home, Sandra was no longer there.
• You can have a drink when we get to Julie's place. Not now, when you're driving.

So, certainty defines those things that are sure to occur.

If we aren't sure, isn't that enough room for allowing our dreams to NOT come true ?

Use WHEN not IF for all circumstances where you want something to come true.  It is the only way to ensure that it will actually happen. ;)

17 days remain - day 83 of 100 - The Mix

Harry Kerr - My dad

I was introduced to a very interesting book many years ago, about how important the first 5 years of a child's life is, and how affected they are during that time by the love of their parents.  I think we are molded into the kind of people we will inevitably become, by the way our parents loved us as babies.  We learn early on to trust other humans, to know what having faith in other's feels like and to be reliant on the love of the parent caring for you.  I was born in Vancouver, BC and was no doubt loved very much by both of my parents. Although they didn't stay together longer than a year after my birth I believe the love I was brought into the world in, created the environment for me to know and trust love today.

My parents lived together in Whiterock and had a large fluffy dog at home.  I was born into a world that was very much at peace, and artists like CCR, the Beatles, the Rolling Stones and Elvis Presley where thriving. The environment consisted of the ocean air of Vancouver, bridged by the immense and gorgeous mountain ranges which I believe has made me a salt water child, who to this day feels very much at home, and at peace when I'm at the ocean side.  I love the waves and the salty air.  It brings about a happiness I simply can't describe.







My father was a strong willed Scot, who always believed his mother was part Iroquois (I love the romance of this story, but through years of genealogy research I've never been able to prove this story correct.  His mom was a Lalonde from Quebec, quite French indeed, with a mom who was a Richardson of Glengarry county... not any sign of any Indian blood whatsoever).  I'll still go around saying I am for the shear fun of it.

Diane Bodley - My mom

On my mother's side there is the English of the Bodley's - the first to start the Oxford Library in England, with the French of the Lachappelle's, the Irish of the Downings, and the German of the Andrews, her Grandfather's line.  My mother was the one who taught me to have pride, integrity, respect for yourself, and generosity.  She is a fierce defender of women's rights and freedom of people to choose their lives, their religion, and their loves.  She ended up marrying another Scotsman who raised me to know what hardwork, discipline, loyalty and dedication really meant.

All that to say, it's little wonder we behave the way we do when we've got that kind of genetic material in our makeup.  Irish, German, Scottish, French, English and adopted Canadian Iroquois.

Little wonder indeed. :)  I love being Canadian.  I'm very proud to be the Mix that I am.  It is using the best qualities of each, that helps us survive our battles, and accomplish our goals.



Great quotes I found online: