Day 26 of 100 - Do not feed Interference.

Thought for today:  Don’t let other people interfere in your dreams (or plans).

I once had a serious conversation with my son about how he should be very careful who he shares his dreams with.  You need to be careful as people can destroy your dream by being negative towards it, talking down about it, telling you you could never accomplish it etc...  You should really only share your dreams with people who you can trust to be positive and supportive.  Sharing your ideas with just anyone opens up the door to them being overly jealous or critical, which you may not be strong enough to forget the words you've heard.  These negative thoughts could remain in your heart and prevent you from moving forward.  Our dreams are way too precious to not give complete protection to.

Additionally, once we have a plan, and have an ideal, we must be very careful not to let the negativity and insults of others interfere in those plans.  The worst thing you could do, is stop going down the path you were headed because "my partner didn't agree with it", or "my friend thought it was a stupid idea", or worst still "my child didn't like me going in that direction".   If the people in our lives truly care for us, they will encourage us to be ourselves, to enjoy our lives, to live out our dreams, and to be proud of our accomplishments.



 Little added side note:  Our children are not adults and should not be given the entitlement to tell us what we should or should not do based on their perception of things.  We as adults can listen to their feelings, express thanks for the feedback, however, we should quickly let them know that the ultimate responsibility and decision is the adult's and once the decision is made it is their job to listen, understand and follow.

Marc Chernoff writes about naysayers "Stop giving credit to those who discredit your dreams.  These people are punishing your potential by slowly extinguishing your inner flame with their watered down vision of what you are capable of achieving.

If you give in and let their negativity convince you of who you are, their madness will wither you away.  You will morph into who they say you are, rather than living honestly as yourself.  In this way, these people will steal your life from you.  You will lose track of where their opinion ends and your reality begins.  Their fiction will become your life’s story.

What you’re capable of is not a function of what others think is possible for you.  So look beyond their presumptions and mental limitations, and connect with your own best vision of what YOU are capable of and how YOUR life can be.  Life, after all, is an open-ended journey, and 99% what you achieve comes directly from what you work to achieve on a daily basis."

Remember that our true friends are encouraging and supportive.  Keep them close.


Favourite quotes:

“The battle you are going through is not fueled by the words or actions of others; it is fueled by the mind that gives it importance.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“Don’t fight with narrow minded people; be determined to compel them to change their mindsets about who you stand to be, not by arguments, but by focusing on what you do every day. If they change it, fine; if they don’t, fine. The good news is that you are pursuing excellence!”
― Israelmore Ayivor, The Great Hand Book of Quotes

“Expect while reaching for the stars, people to whirl by with their dark clouds and storm upon you.”
― Anthony Liccione

“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.”- Edward Everett Hale

My all time favourite quotation:

One evening an Old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a "battle" that goes on inside people...
He said...
"My son, the battle is between 2 "wolves" inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather... "Which wolf wins?"

The Old Cherokee simply replied...
"The one you feed."

Day 25 of 100 - Stay the course

I will be up late tonight, as this page is for yesterday, and then I owe you one more for tonight. :)

Falling behind...

It is easy to fall behind when you are travelling, visiting family and friends, staying out to ungodly hours, and going again.  Not having access to my computer also makes it difficult, as typing into my phone with my thumbs is always a challenge - not impossible, but a challenge.

So I won't give up, I won't quit, I just need to pick up the pace somewhat, and get back on track.

One quarter of the way through.  In a marathon race, or a triathlon, I usually feel really great at this point - tons of energy left, feel like I can do anything, nothing wearing you down just yet.  Guess in real life, I'm feeling the same way.  Pretty steady, completely happy, and ready to take on the rest of this course.



I've got only 5 days before I leave for Muskoka, and I have so much to plan, pack up, prepare.  This race is quite the test of endurance and mental fitness.  I will swim 2 kilometers, bike 95, and run 21.   I know that I won't actually start to feel any real pain until the 50 kilometer mark on the bike ride.  That is what I'd call the halfway point of the race... although in the total kilometers it is only really one third through.  In our minds it is at this point that we either make it, or we don't.   If we can convince ourselves to get through this point, then the rest is figuratively downhill (being in Muskoka, in truth it will be all uphill ;))

At the 50 kilometer mark, I'll be tired.  My legs will be burning. My butt will be tired of sitting on the seat, and I'll feel like the future is overwhelming.  It is at this point, I'll need to take a gel or choc power bar, and remind myself that it is all okay, that I have done it before and will get through again.  There is all kinds of self talk that takes place to get in a mode of mind over matter.

The halfway point for this journey is not yet here.  I'm not yet feeling the pains of my decisions, nor am I feeling the future is overwhelming.  I think by the 40 day mark, I'll be feeling it.  It will be at that point, I'll have to pull out some good stories and mind over matter material to keep me going.  For today, I'll begin to gather those motivational bits of wisdom and advice and have them handy for when the inevitable painful time, will come....




"The key to long-term success is staying focused and continuing to taking action despite any set-backs."

Favourite quotes from online sources, that will help to inspire you to stay the course:

“You are the only real obstacle in your path to a fulfilling life.” ~ Les Brown

“Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenges, wish for more wisdom.” ~ Jim Rohn

“Failure plus failure plus failure equals success. You only fail when you quit.” ~ Jack Hyles

“It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.” ~ Vince Lombardi

”You don’t have to be great to get started, but you have to get started to be great.” ~ Les Brown

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” ~ Author Unknown

“If you greatly desire something, have the guts to stake everything on obtaining it.” ~ Brendan Francis

“If you want to have more, you first have to become more.” ~ Jim Rohn

“Without a sense of urgency, desire loses its value.” ~ Jim Rohn

“You will become as great as your dominant aspiration.” ~ James Allan

“The major reason for setting a goal is for what it makes of you to accomplish it. What it makes of you, will always be far greater value than what you get.” ~ Jim Rohn

“It is the set of sails, not the direction of the winds, that determines which way we will go.” ~ Napoleon Hill

”Positive thoughts bring positive energy, and positive energy brings positive results.” ~ Jordan Hemmann

“Decide what you want to become, set your goals and get started!” ~ Mavis Nong

Day 24 of 100 - leaving home

Travel to my home town is always a mixed journey of good and bad. To get here is a nine hour drive along a single lane highway, where construction in the summer stops lines of hundreds of vehicles for what feels like an eternity. Up ahead men open their car doors, step out and look out to get some appreciation for how much longer it may be.  When I arrive, my throat is raw from singing the top 500 of my favourite songs at full volume, my body shaking from the vibrations of the vehicle intermixed with two Pepsi and four coffees (was much worst when is drive my lada 12 hours from university in Montreal).  I stay up until after 11 catching up and visiting my family.  Kamikaze!

I love being here, the trees are abundant, the water fast and cold,  and the friends and family needed to bring me home in my heart.

But I would not wish to be single here. ..

No one goes out, the streets are quiet, and it seems that there are few opportunities for events and sports clubs with so few people.

People work long hard hours at the steel plant, shops or bars, exhausted and tired, go home to their uncomplicated (I hope)  lives and may never meet anyone outside of their immediate circles.

It sure was fun to go out and laugh and giggle over the funny girls and guys out shaking there thangs!

But I am spoiled in Ottawa, by the work opportunities, the sports clubs, the many clubs and dance halls, the social opportunities and the variety of choice.

I left my home town to join the military, to go to university,  to afford a home, to get a life. I do miss it here, but I could not stay here alone. I think it would be so hard to get by, but maybe, maybe I'd be the one to start the triathlon club that would make the difference, get people like me together.

I love you ssm, I am always sorry to leave you, you will always have a place in my heart but you know you have nothing for me here.

Tomorrow, I kiss you goodbye, till we see each other again....

Day 23 - Speechless in an alien world

I'm so beside myself right now I can hardly write. Though,  I promised a blog every night, so blog I must.

I am a complete alien on this planet.

I don't relate to those people who use their children to hurt their ex. .

I don't care about winning if it means my children would suffer.

I don't think money has any importance over peace of mind.

I think children should be encouraged to have a chance to be without talking to a parent every day. Give them a chance to be independent. Let them learn survival and strength of patience. Let them learn that missing someone doesn't stop the world.

Most especially, I believe true love means freedom. Freedom to be yourself, freedom to enjoy independence, freedom to love others.

Our hearts are big enough for many.

Why would we humans burden ourselves with possession, jealousy, envy, and fear?

This goes for sharing our children with each other, and with extended family.  But equally applies to relationships.

I will never conform to these rigid, painful, and unnecessary rules.

I may always be on the outside, but I will sleep well knowing that I have raised independent, free thinking, loving children and that the people who love me will never be smothered with those negative traits listed above.

We will be together not because of guilt, shame or fear but because we are free to choose each other's company.

That is the kind of love I want.

For my children, as well as the men in my life.

Are the people in your life free to be happy without you? Are they free to love others? Are they free to be themselves?

"When a man is denied the right to live the life he believes in, he has no choice but to become an outlaw " - Nelson Mandela 

" Better to die fighting for freedom then be a prisoner all the days of your life." - Bob Marley 

Day 22 - the eternal optimist

“I started running for reasons I had only just begun to understand. As a child, I ran in the woods and around my house for fun. As a teen, I ran to get my body in better shape.

Later, I ran to find peace. I ran, and kept running, because I had learned that once you started something you didn’t quit, because in life, much like in an ultramarathon, you have to keep pressing forward. Eventually I ran because I turned into a runner, and my sport brought me physical pleasure and spirited me away from debt and disease, from the niggling worries of everyday existence.

I ran because I grew to love other runners. I ran because I loved challenges and because there is no better feeling than arriving at the finish line or completing a difficult training run. And because, as an accomplished runner, I could tell others how rewarding it was to live healthily, to move my body every day, to get through difficulties, to eat with consciousness, that what mattered wasn’t how much money you made or where you lived, it was how you lived.

I ran because overcoming the difficulties of an ultramarathon reminded me that I could overcome the difficulties of life, that overcoming difficulties was life.”
― Scott Jurek

I love this quote as this is nearly my story too.  I've run for as long as I could remember, mostly for the fun of the sport.  I can remember the friendship games in grade school.  Every summer I'd join up with the SSM Ontario Track and Field club that were competing against the SSM Michigan track and field club.  I ran the 400 meter, the 800 meter and did high jump.  As I got older, I found I could hold the same pace for a longer time period, and found longer distances more exciting.

I ran as a teen because it was what stopped me from giving up on the painful world I was fighting to stay alive in.  No matter how tough things got, or even how tough I was on myself, I used to say, "at least I have my legs".

Today, I will often find myself using the expression, "I am a marathoner, this is nothing."

You start to look at life as another challenge to overcome, not a wall that stops you.




I often am reminded how optimistic I am, and interesting enough, it is under circumstances when people expect negativity and I'll come up with a reason to see the situation as optimistic.  I really do believe there is a way through every obstacle and challenge, and that if we work together and hold true to what is important to us, that we'll get there.

Tips on remaining optimistic:

1. "Let go of the assumption that the world is against you, or that you were born with a gray cloud over your head."  It isn't true.  Everyone has the opportunity to change their fate.

2. "Understand that the past does not equal the future"

3. "You do not have to be a product or a victim of your circumstances"

4. "Use positive affirmations - Write down short statements that remind you of what you're trying to change about the way you see the world"

5. "Remember that life is short."

Favourite Quotes;

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
― Winston Churchill

“Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.”
― Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

“It’s like in the great stories Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn’t want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end it’s only a passing thing this shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it’ll shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something even if you were too small to understand why. But I think Mr. Frodo, I do understand, I know now folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going because they were holding on to something…. That there’s some good in the world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.” - J.R.R. Tolkien

Day 21 of 100 - Write your world and watch the possibilities open up to reality

I have always been very creative.  I love art, painting, singing, dancing, recording, writing, most especially writing.  When I was very young, as soon as I could put letters to paper, and paste photos from magazines, I began to make scrapbooks with stories in them.  I had diaries and would log daily thoughts about bullies, fun times with friends, and crushes on boys ;)

I began truly journaling when I was 18.  I went out and bought a blue notebook with a picture of a unicorn on the front and began to write about my experiences growing up, and how I felt about them.  This was especially important to me at that time, as I knew I wanted to have children one day, and I also knew that as I grew up my mind set towards life would change and I wanted to be sure that I never forgot how I thought as a teen.  The first page began as "to my future children..."  Funny!! I wrote about how I felt about sex, marriage, love, life, and what was most meaningful to me.  I wanted my "future children" to know the mindset I had as a teen so they couldn't tell me as their mom, that I was an adult and didn't understand.  Isn't that strange that as an 18 year old, this was important to me?



I was surprised, reading back at those notes, how I have really have not changed a bit.  The things I believed in then are very similar to now, with obvious experience and further wisdom mixed in ;)

I have continued to write for years, but my writing took a special turn a number of years ago when I found the following book which made a very big impact in my life:  The Artist's Way.  It works on the premise of three main activities you must follow: a) you must write a 3 page journal log every day; b) you must take an "artist date" - just you alone, once per week, to experience something you love; and c) you must get out and do a walk of 20 minutes, again, alone, once per week to experience the thoughts and ideas that will come to you on this journey.

It worked.  I was making lists of everything I wanted to accomplish and to date, with exception to completing a novel, I've accomplished everything I wrote down.  Now I do miss many days, but I write every weekend, and I do attempt to write a few times per week - busy days and nights with the excess training have kept me from my goals to do the pages... perhaps that is a problem right away to be fixed as soon as possible.  When a system works for you, you should really keep it as a top priority.

The best thing about Art in any form, and being creative, is how much satisfaction it gives you to give life to something you designed and produced, all yourself.

Sometimes the Art you create is in yourself.  You make yourself the person you would be proud of, you carry on in activities that give you great satisfaction and make life worthwhile. This too, is creativity.

I believe if you take the time to write out your dreams, your vision, your ideals - it is only a matter of time before they become your world.  So sit tonight... and take the time to write.  Don't put that pen down, even if you draw a blank... write that you cannot think of anything more... in no time the brain is unblocked, the words will flow, and the real truths of who you are, who you wish to be, and what you need to accomplish will become reality.

"Art is never finished, only abandoned" - Leonardo de Vinci

"Art enables us to find ourselves, and lose ourselves at the same time" - Thomas Merton

“If you hear a voice within you say, ‘You cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced” – Vincent Van Gogh

Day 20 of 100. What is truly important

What's really important

Day 20 - 1/5th along this journey, and it's feeling good.  Time to do a quick reflection on what is most important about this journey, and why I even began it.  In short, this blog was begun to clear the mind of useless and invalid negativity over something that should never have carried that much weight.  If you are the kind of person who cares deeply about how other's feel and respond to you, then you likely have the same concerns.  It is important to continue to care, without turning it upon ourselves.  This is the trick.

In that, I can assure you I've made great strides.  I have found myself considering my feelings and reactions towards situations, with much greater scrutiny and am able to take the swings without feeling personnaly involved. It is the clarity that is most interesting at this time, this clear view of who I am, what I what, and what is important to me.

"At least three times a day, take a moment and ask yourself what is really important. have the wisdom and the courage to build your life around your answer" - Lee Jampolsky

What is really important?
Would we all say the same things ? Likely not...  but here is something to think about...

Many years ago, I was on a work trip to San Jose, and after I was completed the work, I rented a car and drove alone, first up the highway 1 to San Francisco, and then back down along the coastline all the way to Los Angeles.  I rented a hotel midway for the night and drove during the day.  The view was incredible.  The coast of California is high above the sea in many places, the view you have of the ocean is formidable.  As I would get out of the car and sit in the grass looking out at the ocean, there was no doubt in my mind of how "insignificant" I was in the grand scheme of things.  Any problems that I may have had in my life back home were nothing here.  Survival was the only thing that mattered here.  Eating, drinking, living, breathing.  That is it.  Pain would be not finding a meal.  Success would be sleeping in a safe place that night.  No money, object or person could replace the sense I had of being overwhelmed in our world, that we are specs of dust amongst the giants of nature.  I went back home, forever changed.

When I got home, I broke up with the guy I had been dating, as it was painful relationship, and no longer was I going to live with that kind of pain.  I stopped taking so many useless things so seriously - it wasn't worth it anymore.  Money is important to pay our bills and provide the things our families need, but it would never play a significant role for me.  Living became the most important thing to me.  Living and loving my life, my friends, my family, my relationships - raising my children, loving them no matter what the challenges, became important to me.

What is really important?

Being there for others.
Being true to yourself.
Surviving the world we are thrown into.
Loving every moment you've got.

Favourite Quotes:

"Do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strenght to endure a difficult one". - Bruce Lee

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have" - Bob Marley


and a fun one by one of my favourite authors:

"Life is short. Break the Rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss Slowly, Love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret ANYTHING that makes you smile" - Mark Twain

Day 19 of 100 days of Me - Dangerous Singularity

"There is always that one person who can send you a text and cause you to smile instantly" - unknown

This morning, I sat outside, wrote in my journal and enjoyed the warmth of the gorgeous sun beaming down on me.  I'm in a fabulous mood and all because I'm happy, healthy, rich and have a life full of passion - not because of anyone else.  This is all good news.

In this journey of 19 days, I get to do much soul searching and reflection and it has awoken a number of realizations, I'd not had before.  At least, I wasn't aware of them as fully as I am now.  I have found out some very interesting truths about myself, I'd not acknowledged before.

Truth #1 - I do not do single well.

It isn't because I need someone - I don't.  I make enough money to do or go anywhere I want.  I am technically inclined and can fix anything I need to.  I have great friends, male and female, who are there for me in a heartbeat. They will be there if I need support, and if I said I really needed the company, I'd be welcome (lucky for them, I don't do this to them ;)).  I am never alone in my heart - I am solo often in my physical environment, but with the advent of the internet I always have someone I can text, or talk to online.  I am fortunate to have more than one person who will make me smile.  So what is the problem then? How can I say I do not do single well, and what does this really mean?

There is indeed a reason I married the man I did, and stayed in the relationship for 15 years.  I really like having someone I can count on to be there on a consistent basis.  I enjoy having that friend who I can share so much with.  I like having someone who really knows me, so that with a glance, they know exactly what I'm thinking and when I send a quick text, they understand completely what the joke is about.  I love sharing stories of my day with someone, and hearing how theirs was.  Someone I can open up a conversation with at 10pm, and not feel like I'm intruding on perhaps another person's relationship.  I can't really call my girlfriend OR any of my guy friends at 10pm and not expect them to think it is weird....

Tonight the Ottawa Redblacks are playing, and I won't be going because I have no one to go with.  Had of I been in a relationship, they likely would have gone with me - true, perhaps they didn't like football and I'd not have them to go with - but then if I call another guy to go, there wouldn't be that expectation that I'm after them, they'd come along, because I was already "taken". See how that works?  Guys seem to like hanging out when the situation is "safe" - once you are single, you become slightly dangerous in their eyes and they avoid too much contact ;)  At least, that is what I've experienced over the years.

Perhaps if I had more single friends with common interests, true friends, and not prospects, I'd have more opportunity to get together to do the events I love.

The biggest problem that I have in being single, and perhaps some of you will relate (I certainly hope I'm not alone in this regard), is that I automatically, and uncontrollably (trust me, these 20 days have proven this is not under my control), become the hunter.

It seems to be instinctual and difficult to suppress.  I am always watching, looking, searching and evaluating everyone I meet to determine if there is something there.  I do not seem to have the ability to turn that off, and quite frankly, it can be exhausting and negative to come up empty handed.  I'd feel the same way trudging through the bush all day and not coming home with the deer/partridge.  I love boating, and being out fishing is a great time but I really want to have the fish at the end of the journey.  If we do not catch anything, we come home slightly disappointed, do we not ?  I am ever an optimist and push away negativity in my life, so this is a bit disconcerting, that it continues to permeate my livelihood.

I've got 80 days more to work on perfecting this singularity.

So many of us find ourselves single, either by choice, or by circumstance - some more tragically than others. Wouldn't it be nice if I could find a way to advise you on how to cope with that reality? I'll give it a go over the next weeks... see what I can come up with.

Step 1 - find replacements for those "needs" we had when we were in a relationship - or for anyone who has never been in one, what you BELIEVE you would gain from having one.

My needs could be summarized as follows:
- someone to talk to (anytime is the key here)
- someone to hang with
- stop hunting automatically

I'm thinking all we need to do is lay out what we think we need and then find other means to meet that need.  In my case, I need to get together a list of all my friends that will suit the above two needs, and get them on the same page as me.  I need to be clear to the men in my life that if I call them, I'm not looking for anything but the friendship - perhaps this would alleviate the need to remain distant due to my dangerous singularity.

If I reach out to someone it's because I want to chat, it isn't because I want anything more from them - this would be my own fault if I hadn't been clear - or, if in the beginning, I'd had another agenda and has led them to feel worried that my expectation is not what I say it is.  These are all things we need to consider carefully and be clear in our communication with each other.

Keep honest to yourself, and be honest with others - then the way is much clearer...

Lastly, how to stop automatic hunting.

Fun story - last night I was out to dinner and at least 7 men came up to me, to pick me up.  Not kidding.  Each had their own way, but it was obvious, unless I was interested, I was in trouble.  So I quickly turned off the hunt by telling each of them, I was with the bartender ;) (Yes, I checked with the bartender first and he agreed in my fantasy).  So I'm thinking the only way we can turn off the hunter instinct, is to pretend we are ALREADY with someone.  Someone safe, and far away.  Hmm... I could continue to pretend I date the bartender, that'd be fun.  For now, he'll have to do.  ;)

Fun Quotes:

“Without a doubt... the worst part of being a single woman was having to take care of your own car.”
― Lisa Kleypas, Rainshadow Road

“You Will Never Live A Perfect Life - Getting In A Relationship Is Like Diving In A Sea, You Can Drown And Whales And Sharks Can Kill You. On The Other Hand, Being Single Is Like Staying Away From That Water, You Will Starve.”
― Cyc Jouzy

“When you are feeling sad and lonely because you are single, remember that there are a lot of people stuck in bad relationships who wish they could be in your shoes.”
― Pamela Cummins, Psychic Wisdom on Love and Relationships

“Your single not because you are not good enough for one, it's that you're too good for the wrong one.”
― Chris Burkmenn

Day 18 of 100 days of Me - Lucky.

This posting came up on facebook a few days ago and I really like it.  In my past I've been very afraid of losing people, whom have not treated me well, or treated me just fine, but weren't really there for me in the way I needed.  If we are in a relationship where our partner is not showing us, that they feel lucky to have us, why would we be so afraid of losing them?

Further to this, only we can make us FEEL any particular way, only we have control over how we feel... remember from previous posts I've said no one makes us feel sad, we allow ourselves to be sad. Here too, the person doesn't MAKE us feel lucky, we ALLOW ourselves to be lucky based on a preconception of what being lucky is.

So it begs the question, what would make you feel lucky?

If we don't know, what would make us feel lucky, then how do we know we've found the right person?  I think it's important to take the time to think out what in fact, would make you feel lucky.

I have a few that I thought of this morning, while folding the laundry:

I would be lucky to be with someone who is outwardly generous to everyone in their lives.  Even though it takes work, time and effort. Someone who takes the time to be there for their friends, you know him, he is the guy who always comes over to help you fix up a problem at the house and tells you no, no, I don't want any money for this; the guy who volunteers his car when yours is broke, the guy who pulls over to make sure the girl with the flat tire on the side of the road is looked after.

I would feel lucky to be with a man who isn't shy take the initiative, and to say how they feel.  I have always appreciated knowing the truth, even when it hurts.  This is a tough one, I understand as many men will remain silent, and not be comfortable sharing what they think - but I'm particularly talking about the simple thoughts like how much they'd love for me to do something for them, cook something they love, participate in some event - we all love to please each other, but if we cannot share what we are thinking, how does the partner know what you really want?

I would know I was lucky to have a man who had passion in their lives. He has such a great love for something that it makes him smile about it all the time and he spends so much of his life exploring and delving into this love. This could be a love of cars where he is always trying to find and fix up the best one; this could be a love of music where he is passionate about recording that perfect album, or putting together a great group of players; it could be about sports, nothing makes me happier than to see my friends who love football and hockey, and they get their friends all together for the games, and talk about the players and the stats; or even closer to my heart, they love their fitness goals and are so incredibly passionate about achieving them.  I'd look at that man (I already know so many of them) and think how awesome they are, to give so much of their heart into their love. I'd expect they'd have that kind of passion for the partner in their life too.

TAKE THE TIME TO KNOW YOURSELF

If you take the time to write out what would make you feel lucky, then you can look up and see if you have it.  If you do, then you've got something to be working very hard to keep.  It would be very interesting to see what our partner feels lucky about - did we know ?

If you don't, it doesn't mean you have to leave! It means if the other person is moving on, to not have fear in your heart about it - it is time to find your lucky one!

Final thought, I think we need to be able to say, "I am so lucky to have this person in my life, who has these qualities I admire, so much so, that I am willing to work hard to be the person that they would feel lucky to have in their life...."

Wouldn't that make an awesome relationship?

All my love xo

Day 17 of 100 days of Me - Just Sing.

Tonight I sat down and recorded my own version of the song Angel on acoustic guitar.  It is truly more appropriate with last night’s blog, but I didn’t think of it until 3 this morning when I woke briefly.  It was then that this song came to me, and how much it matched the mood of yesterday. I knew I had to try to give it some justice.

“Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always some reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memories seep from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lies
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness, that brings me to my knees” – Sarah McLachlan, Angel

Take a listen:

https://soundcloud.com/karen-ritchie-brown/angel-cover

Sitting down and having the opportunity to record a song, takes me to an entirely different world.  It is one where creativity thrives and there is little room for thought at all – only your creation has your attention. This is true even for recording someone else’s songs.  I have recorded many of my own, and other’s songs over the years and each time, I feel more alive and fulfilled.

There are days I do miss performing.  I do not miss tearing down a stage at three in the morning, unloading gear and getting a couple hours sleep before getting up again ;)  I also do not miss arguing with clubs to get paid, having equipment broken or stolen, or having a show that went unadvertised and NO ONE is in the club.

What I do miss is the fun we had practicing to get the songs in such a state that we knew our audience would love them.  I loved the audiences and the girls and guys that would come up and dance without a care in the world.  I miss how much happiness it would bring to people to hear us play for them.  I miss the mistakes that no one noticed, the laughter we had in getting it right, and the deep friendships I made through my bands.  I even miss how often we got together, because we had to practice... now, it is rare when we get together.  They were Good times indeed.

In these last years I’ve found playing guitar and recording, for myself, has been therapeutic all on it’s own, as I love learning new songs and the release you get from singing out loud is not describable, but I recommend you try it.  If you haven’t gotten into that shower of yours (where the reverb takes your voice and gives it a life of it’s own), and sang out loud your favourite song – you absolutely must.  It will give you a happiness you’ve not felt in a long time.

Stacy Horn from Time magazine writes, "When you sing, musical vibrations move through you, altering your physical and emotional landscape. Group singing, for those who have done it, is the most exhilarating and transformative of all. It takes something incredibly intimate, a sound that begins inside you, shares it with a roomful of people and it comes back as something even more thrilling: harmony." (http://ideas.time.com/2013/08/16/singing-changes-your-brain/)

Favourite Quotes:

“If uncertainty is unacceptable to you, it turns into fear. If it is perfectly acceptable, it turns into increased aliveness, alertness, and creativity.” Eckhart Tolle

"The only thing better than singing, is more singing" Ella Fitzgerald

"My first love was singing, and I had no time for boys" Christina Aquilera

Day 16 of 100 days of Me - Its okay to cry

“Men must live and create. Live to the point of tears.” – Albert Camus

Some of the smallest things will bring me to tears.  My children will make fun of me.  We'll be sitting watching a movie together and someone will start talking about love, pain, children, family, missing someone, death, disappointment etc... and the kids will look over at me, ready to see the emotion in my face, the tears on my face.  Of course this will make me smile at them.  Never mind a serious movie, I get emotional watching Glee.... yes, I'm just that sensitive on the inside, right?  :)  (I actually have the desire to say RIGHT? after every line lately since I've been spending so much time with a friend who uses this expression - I'm becoming immersed in that style, right? :))

On a more serious note, I got a call tonight, and she was crying.  She was upset about her day as it wasn't going the way she wanted.  I immediately went into strategy, coach mode... as I always do.  I told her she had to get up, go for a walk, clear her mind, focus on the goals of tomorrow, get a book, get on the internet and read about fun things... anything but staying there, in that knot, feeling like the world is against you.  I felt that was good advice at the time.  She said okay, unconvinced, but sounded better and let me go...

No more than an hour later, I was at home, feeling a bit lost, feeling sad myself (could it be the rain?).  I was supposed to do a run tonight, and I REALLY didn't feel like doing it.  I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.  I reached out to a friend who I hoped would respond and it was the right thing to do. Not a half hour later, after talking about the upcoming race, and all the things I've wanted to accomplish, I was ready for that run.  I got on the treadmill and 30 minutes later, sweat pouring down, I was back

BUT - I started to doubt whether I'd given her the right advice.

As I showered and got ready to write this blog, all I could think about was how much sometimes a good cry can get it all out of your system. If we allow ourselves to release all that bent up energy, and frustration, and pain, don't we feel better ?

So then I reached out to sources on the internet and found the following really good reasons why it's okay to cry - men - it's okay for you too...

Crying lowers manganese levels known to cause anxiety...

One source stated that if your manganese level is high it can cause anxiety, nervousness, irritability, fatigue, aggression, emotional disturbance.  Crying is stated to lower a person’s manganese level. Apparently emotional tears contain 24 percent higher albumin protein concentration–responsible for transporting small (toxic) molecules–than irritation tears, removing toxins from your system.

Crying is known to reduce chemical stress in our bodies...

Crying is stated by one source to help reduce stress, which has a damaging effect on our health and has been linked to a number of health problems including heart disease, high blood pressure, type-2 diabetes and obesity. Crying can help to wash chemicals linked to stress out of our body - which would be one of the reasons we feel much better after a good cry. The source stated that higher levels of adrenocorticotrophic (ACTH) have been found in emotional tears (compared to reflex tears).  This chemical triggers cortisol in our bodies (the stress hormone) so we do want to get rid of high levels.

'Crying can help release tension and stress, as well as expressing emotions,' says Dr Abigael San, chartered clinical psychologist.

'When you're upset and stressed, you have an imbalance and build up of chemicals in the body and crying helps to reduce that.'

“But a mermaid has no tears, and therefore she suffers so much more.” – Hans Christian Andersen, The Little Mermaid

“To weep is to make less the depth of grief.” – William Shakespeare

Take the time to listen to this KD Lang rendition of Crying by Roy Orbison.  Really beautiful - may even bring you to tears ;)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNbnFVBVnz0

Day 15 of 100 Days of Me – Do not be a victim.

“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die.  And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”  ~Eleanor Roosevelt

"A wise woman wishes to be no one's enemy; a wise woman refuses to be anyone's victim.” ― Maya Angelou

It began as a typical Saturday night, the night she had to run away.  Listening to music, chatting with friends, when her dad came into the house.  She was only 13 years old, in grade 8 at her elementary school and had been babysitting her younger brother that night while her parents were out.  She should not have had anyone in the house with her.  They had been sitting around the kitchen table, cheerfully chatting about silly things when he walked in the door. There was no alcohol on the table, there were no drugs, only four kids sitting there, obviously being overly loud and stupid, and joyful.  They should not have been there. It was wrong to have them in house, that was against the rules, and he was furious.  He yelled and swore at everyone to get out.  There was no patience, no understanding, no consideration that perhaps they didn't know they weren't supposed to be there.  He threatened her in front of them, and she cried.  She was terribly embarrassed and scared of him, scared of how angry he was, but she stayed there at the table and said good bye to her friends. She held her head in her hands when her father left the house knowing that punishment would soon be back for her.  He did come back, almost immediately, yelling and swearing again, staring at her with a hatred she had known for far too long.  He said something about calling the police. Not believing him, and wanting to warn her friends of the pending doom, she grabbed her coat and ran, ran out of that house and caught up to the group who were heading to a house where a small party was taking place.

When the alcohol was brought out, she didn't think much of it as she had tasted alcohol before at family parties.  Places that had been safe to try this drink, and someone to take her home.  Here it was different.  This place was not safe, but she did not know that yet.  She went along with the drinking to not be a prude in this group of friends who all seemed to be fine taking it too.  The night progressed and she started to feel tired.  She was escorted upstairs by a boy two years senior and already in high school, that she had thought the world of for quite some time. That may have been the beginning of the problem.  Perhaps the problem was that she was so sad from the lack of love from her father.  Perhaps it was simply chemical and she had no choice but to have been in this situation.  Either way, the night did not end well.  This blog is not the place for the details that ensued, but I will not let your imagination take this too far as she was not beaten up or harmed beyond being coerced into sex that was not welcome.  One main thing came from this night, that is most significant to note.  She became a victim. 

This girl allowed herself to be put into a position where she was taken advantage of.  She was weak where she should have been strong. She felt she had no choice, where she had had EVERY Choice.  She didn't think she could go home, but eventually she did.  It took some years for her to learn this lesson, to learn what strength was, and to promise herself that she’d never be a victim again.   

A victim in this case goes beyond being harmed by an incident.  It is when you don’t move on from the event, when you carry the sadness and baggage with you, allow it to affect your decisions, your fears, your friendships and your relationships.

For two years this girl remained the victim until a teacher leading a self realization course in school changed her mindset. She had allowed herself to be harmed and broken by this incident. She blamed it on her father.  

If he had loved her, she wouldn't have been so weak in this incident.  She engraved words in her arms “Life Sucks”, and she felt powerless to control her destiny.

The truth is, it was never her father’s fault.  She had the power over her own choices in this event and afterwards she had the means to turn herself around. She may not have KNOWN it at the time, true, but if you are reading this, you now are in the group who have become aware of our ability to make our own destinies.

Dr. Thomas J Nevitt writes “Our society is full of people who, through their own limiting beliefs, have settled into becoming victims of their circumstances. They feel powerless to make changes in their lives because they think that the elements of their lives are out of their control. All too often they're quick to ask, "Why do bad things keep happening to me? "You probably know someone like this. They are the "why me?" people who always seem to have an excuse for the things in their life that aren't working. And much of what is in their lives isn't working as well as it could be.”

He continues, “They have a hard time taking responsibility for themselves, their actions, mistakes, and even their own decisions. In short, being a victim requires a giving up of most, if not all, personal responsibility. When we allow ourselves to be victims, we are letting the people and circumstances in our lives dictate how we will feel, and ultimately, who we will be. Nobody – no matter how hard they try – can ever make someone else feel something that they don't want to feel. Think about that for a moment. You are ultimately capable to respond to much greater degrees than you do. True responsibility can be redefined to mean your ability to respond, fully capable to respond powerfully to the occurrences of your life. Because you are the only one able to choose your feelings and your responses to what is happening right now. We have all heard people say, "You make me mad." Or, "Don't make me feel guilty." But the truth is that no one can make us feel something – good or bad – unless we allow them to.”

In the course that this girl took in high school, her teacher gave her a home work assignment. Go home and find a photograph of a thing, an object that represents who you are.  This was very tough.  What out there could possibly represent who she was?  Going through some magazines she found a photograph of a sunset.  

That was it.  The sun sets every evening, the world becomes dark, dark as her sadness, cold as her heart felt, but every morning without fail, that sun was going to rise again, and with that rising sun, brightness, and life would fill the world.  She was going to be whole again.  She was going to rise up, and darkness would pass.  The strength that came from that single momentous moment cannot be described in words.  If you knew her, you’d understand the transformation that ensued.  As she is now a woman, full of love to share, not afraid to be vulnerable, not afraid to be honest, but whom will not be broken by anyone, or anything. 

We always have the choice on how to handle a situation.  Will we stay strong, calm, and not allow ourselves to become victim to the incident? Keep your chin up, walk away where you can - and keep your good friends close, as they will continue to remind you, who you really are, and give you the strength you need to suffer through this time.

“The choice is always this simple. The choice is always now.Until you willingly accept that you are the only constant in your life, the only one who's been with you during every experience, every situation, every scenario, you probably will not choose to accept or receive the abundance that is yours to accept. In other words, you cannot be a victim and a victor; the two are mutually exclusive in this moment's choice” – Dr. Tom Nevitt

“It would be easy to become a victim of our circumstances and continue feeling sad, scared or angry; or instead, we could choose to deal with injustice humanely and break the chains of negative thoughts and energies, and not let ourselves sink into it.” ― Erin Gruwell

Day 14 – I am “Happy, Healthy, Rich and have a life full of Passion”

This is my mantra, and I say it to myself daily… sometimes a few times when needed ;)

I read "The Secret", by Rhonda Byrne a little over a year ago, maybe two... Time flies quite a bit too fast for me, so I can't remember how long it has been, but I have been rewarded immensely ever since reading it, and applying it’s advice…

The main premise of the book, is that we are governed by a natural law called “the law of attraction” which attracts to you all the things you think, believe and feel.  So when you believe you are rich, richness is attracted to you – if you believe you are poor, poorness is attracted to you.  So, it is very important to think positively, remove all negative thoughts from your mind, and BELIEVE you are what you want to be… and this does come true.

There will be naysayers, however, I am living the proof of this law.  When I think that something IS, within days, it becomes true for me… even in small ways.

I was telling a friend, during a conversation we were having this past spring, that if I had the choice to be anything I wanted, I’d be a coach.  Within days I received an email from the West Carleton Soccer association saying they would be cancelling my daughter’s soccer team this  year if a coach didn’t step forward.  Guess who volunteered??  Guess who was Coach?? I said it, and it happened.

There is more.  I have been repeating that I am happy and healthy, daily for the past two years – no illness will find me, and I have been especially happy inside ( yes I have those sad days, but that is when I start thinking negatively, remember?)

I am rich.  I have everything I could ever want in money, home, material things, my job, my friends, my relationships.  I truly am rich and continue to repeat this word in my mantra daily.

Passion is a word I only added in the past four months.  I hadn’t before, as I didn’t know it was what I was missing until then – again a friend mentioned the term to me, and it resonated perfectly with what I needed.  I didn’t realize the power it would have, to include it in my daily mantra.  Passion is another very general term that covers a range of areas for me, not just related to a relationship – for me it is a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something, someone, or in one’s actions; it is having people in my life that have strong feelings of enthusiasm for THEIR LIVES.  This could mean a passion for cars, sports, running, fitness, health, or love.  Since adding this term to my daily mantra I’ve had much passion in my life in terms of health, sports, fitness, friendships and relationships. I’ve been very much blessed with exactly what I was looking for (I joke with my friends that I need to scope cap the word, as I sometimes think I’m being handed maybe too much!)

We should all take the time to write down exactly WHO you want to be, WHAT you want to have, and HOW you wish to live.. write it out, then find the three (or four in my case) words that represent this belief and this life.. repeat them daily, as if you already ARE THEM… then write me your letter, to tell me what has changed for you – I can’t wait to hear your news ;) xo

Day 13 of 100 - lucky to have the support

"Do as I say, and not as I do."

How often did our parents use this expression with us? I can remember questioning my mother who was a smoker when I grew up, why wasn't it okay for me to be a smoker also... the answer was very clear - she knew what was best for me and I was to do as she told me to do, not to question that, and not to follow in her footsteps.  I of course didn't listen, and when I was 13 started smoking cigarettes. All behind my mother's back (she likely knew but I was not being outwardly honest about it.)

I smoked Export A's for most of the summer and started highschool in September.  I remember showing up at the cross country running team first meeting, wearing blue jeans, and a jean jacket with a pack of cigarettes sticking out of the pocket.  The girls in the room stared at me.  I remember feeling like a total outcast (maybe all in my mind, maybe not).  Either way, I vowed to beat everyone of them in the field.  I gave up cigarettes and started running daily.  I did beat them... and my bad habit took to the wind...

As I am now in Lucky 13 of 100 days, I'd like to tell you I'm perfect, but I am not... so as I write what we should all be focusing on, and what we should live our lives by, I need to be very upfront about this - that I won't always be taking my own advice, following my own rules - we all should do as the advice says, best we can and not think that our own indescretions are a good enough reason to not listen.

On that note, I would like to take a moment to say how much I appreciate you for taking the time to read this, sharing your own advice and experiences from time to time, and simply being there.

It makes a difference to know you are not alone.

Day 12 of 100 days of Me - on being a woman

Day 12

I grew up on a busy street in Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario.  I was four years old walking up and down a street alone, without parents, that is as busy as Hazeldean Road in Kanata - it had continuous cars, and 16 wheeler trucks going up heading out the main highway North of SSM.  Hard to believe, as you wouldn't see that today.  I actually used to name them as they went by and would wave at the drivers, and try to get them to honk at me ;) Many did!!

I met my first best friends walking alone at 4, as they were outside too - they are on my facebook today - you girls know who you are and can tag yourself here if you choose to!! They are still women who inspire me, I love them dearly and love that we still see so much in common - from the time we were FOUR!! xo

I also met three boys who lived on my street, who, in my mind, I remember spending more time with than the girls.  They are not on my facebook as I don't think they are computer/internet guys - I find many men have not bought into being into social media. That's okay but it sure would be nice to say hello to them.

What is funny about this friendship, is that they were so much rougher than me, yet I still wanted to keep up. We biked, played ball, ran wild, climbed trees, and had some great adventures.  They continuously made fun of me but I laughed along with them, and really enjoyed their company.  The teasing was fun in my crazy mind, and I loved the trouble we'd get into.

Website: http://www.pinterest.com/tbird9910/yes-im-a-tomboy/

If I could have put my guy fiends in my "bridesmaid" lineup, I totally would have as they are as dear to me as my girl friends are.  

Being a woman has so much complication, and I do not want to make out men to be insignificant or uncomplicated, but they truly cannot have the same pressures as women do.  We need to be responsible for so much, yet look beautiful in charge of it all... We need to be strong, smart, supportive yet sexy, sweet, and soft...  We often do it all, and do it all quite well.  Kudos to all my girlfriends, sisters and cousins who work so hard to be the full person we are expected to me. For those of you who are finding it incredibly difficult, know you are not alone...

I will often look very confident, very strong, and well in control... I only post photos on facebook that show you this person - it has inspired many of you to stay strong... I am so glad for that, so incredibly happy to be a supporter to all who need me.  

On the inside, there are days where I can be tragically weak, so completely unsure, and undeniably out of control... I'll keep that hidden in person, but here in this forum I'd like to acknowledge that staying strong, is no easy task - and being a woman in this day is not only complicated but very challenging - at home, at work, and at play.

"Being a woman is hard work. Not without joy and even ecstasy, but still relentless, unending work. Becoming an old female may require only being born with certain genitalia, inheriting long-living genes and the fortune not to be run over by an out-of-control truck, but to become and remain a woman commands the existence and employment of genius." - Maya Angelou - Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now

I know that being a woman means certain behaviours will always be frowned apon by others, I know that certain decisions will be seen as cold, unattractive, and even bitchy.  I know I won't ever be that typical woman you'll see described in books and films, who will not drive alone at night, who is afraid to venture out without the permission of her husband/lover, who would never talk back, is polite, sweet, innocent and so many more adjectives that I cringe at, knowing I'll never be.... 

Loved these definitions from an online website describing "woman":

1. one's wife
2. feminine
3. born female
4. a prostitute

haha! WOW! - so much work to do to clean up some of these viewpoints and misrepresentations....

I'll also never be the opposite either, as I do love to be female, love to be cared for, love when someone else takes the initiative and wants to be looked after every so often too - just because I CAN do it myself, doesn't mean I WANT to ;)

So we work in a mode of balance, it takes a bit of planning, a lot of strategy, but for those women who live in the mindset I do, it is most important to select friends and partners who understand that we are both the sweet, loving, sincere woman, and the strong, supportive female who can do anything required in this world.  We need to have the balance of both in our lives to remain complete. Keep the the friends that understand and support your needs close... be strong enough to let those who cannot understand, judge or are hurtful continue on their own path - they do not belong on ours.

Some of my favourite quotes for the topic...

"Strengthen the female mind by enlarging it, and there will be an end to blind obedience." - Mary Wollstonecraft

“Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.”
― Joseph Conrad

“There are no good girls gone wrong - just bad girls found out.”
― Mae West

“There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don't need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal, picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain.”
― Audrey Hepburn

Little fun end quote:

Day 11 of 100 days of Me - decisions, decisions, decisions

Day 11 of 100 - decisions, decisions, decisions

Never let anyone tell you how to live your life, it's called your life for a reason. You make the decisions... AND you live with the consequences....

One of my mother's favourite quotes growing up for me was, "you made your bed, now lie in it"... best choose our bedding carefully.... (that end part is my own ;))

It is not so easy to get through each day, and not question one's choices, actions and thoughts.
Where we should be positive and accepting, I find it too easy to slip back into questioning if I've done the right thing, made the right choice.

In fact, I'll go through an entire thought process of beginning with confidence, slipping down into perhaps it wasn't the best thing to do, into gosh that was really not thought out well, asking myself why did I do that, right into the defiant "F it", It's done, what can I do about it now? Certainly worrying isn't changing anything... :)

Yes, it is insanity.  Am I alone in this self doubting, questioning behaviour? Likely not.

One of the hardest decisions you'll ever face in life is choosing to whether to walk away or try harder... I toil with this one on a fairly regular basis, be it about work, home, or a relationship.

The JOURNEY though, is most important, so focus on this, accepting our choices and appreciating the lessons along the way, is all a part of living fully.

 Responsibility - "Acceptance of what has happened is the first step in overcoming any misfortune", William Joyce.

There is much study done in personality profiling, and psychological assessments that will allow one to understand better their character traits, needs and preferences.  With this information you are more empowered to understand why you`ll make certain choices, and why other options never seem to make sense to you.  If you are someone who needs the contact of others in a social environment will often make decisions relating to that need.  When you find yourself in a situation that you can`t understand how you got there, it is quite likely a personality trait or need that has brought you into this situation.  We can take the time to learn what is deep set in our psyche and as such be able to understand what underlying needs will play a role in our decision making.

Myers Briggs: http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/

I find my need for human contact (as a good friend of mine recently pointed out), has played a great role in the decisions I make day to day.  Although I certainly enjoy alone time, and I`m not shy to step out of my shell and do something entirely alone - including travel, big purchases, and weighty decisions - my instinct instead is to bring people to me, and share with other humans.

In short, I enjoy the journey with others, which is why, I guess, that I`m sharing these 100 days so publicly.

Each day brings about new choices. How we decide for ourselves what is right and what is wrong is a study in itself.  I think we can bring it down into very simply terms.  Will it be beneficial to us? Will it harm anyone else? Will it impact in a good way the main goals you have for yourself? Then I believe it is right.


Sometimes the decisions we make do not lead us to accomplish our goals, and in fact begin to deteriorate who we are or what we want in our lives... this is where it is extremely important to accept the journey so far as what it was, understand we can still appreciate that things we loved about getting here, but we must turn on the willpower and walk away, now that we know it is no longer a good idea.

I met a woman recently who is in a relationship where her partner is an alcoholic.  She is not ready to leave him.  Daily she is reminded of what is so tragic in this life, and how she is faced with the decision to leave.... and she needs to gather what she knows and make the choice that is right for her.  We can all sit back and judge, but truly, only her instincts and her own knowledge of the situation is able to make the appropriate decision for her.

I would want to say to her, that her journey is what is most important.  She cannot know what is to come, but she should value what good has come from her relationship so far, with no regrets as to past opportunities to make a decision that can only be made today.  Today she needs to look at whether the relationship is beneficial to her, what harm is it causing to her, to him; what does she need to do to ensure her security and safety and allow her to make the right decision for her today... I hope that they will find a way to succeed in finding happiness in their lives.

I think regret is a waste of breath, so I push it away.  I do appreciate the journey here, as each of our days teaches us something new about ourselves and others.  I will continue to take the time to TRY to make decisions that are healthy for me, and most of all,  I will continue to work HARD on stopping the slippery slope of doubting my decisions.  If I took the time to think it through, why is it worth doubting now?  It isn`t.
Goodbye past... you are gone to me now.

Day 10 – Falling off the wagon

Day 10 – Falling off the wagon

In the world of addictions treatment, falling off the wagon or losing control of your compulsions or addictions is not to be taken as a large long term problem, but is considered and treated as a one time mistake that is easily corrected and you return to your course.  If taken too seriously the addict would tend to continue to stay off the wagon, shamed and embarrassed that they had lost control.  In treatment they call it a simple relapse , so, for example, if you had been “clean” for 25 days and you indulged one day, you would then say, I’ve been clean 26 days with one relapse.  This gives the addict the opportunity to get right back on track and continue the course they had worked hard to start.  I use the word clean as addictions are usually drinking or drug use; however, compulsive behaviours like gambling, smoking, weight control, overeating, eating certain foods, and the gambit of sexual needs (I’ve really talked enough about sex lately so I’m skimming over this one on purpose) are all really in the same boat.

We must allow ourselves to fail, now and again, to learn from that failure, and to get right back up on track where we had started.  Our road has not ended, nor should we feel we are done just because we fell off track for a particular reason.

I have often fallen off the wagon of my training, I don’t leave my desk at work until it’s time to leave to get my daughter, and there is no time for working out then.  I get home, have dinner, have that glass of wine and poof there will be no workout tonight.  I’ve been very solid on my plan for the last couple of months, but last year was a different story altogether.  Each morning you have to get back up and say, today I’m back on track.

Yesterday was supposed to be a swim day for me, today my day off – I think I’m going to try going swimming today at 4pm to get it in… messing with the plan slightly, but still staying mostly on track.  This is what commitment to your goals means. It means allowing yourself some flexibility, allowing yourself to fail, allowing yourself permission to forgive yourself and get back on track – it truly is that easy.

I find myself falling off track of my goals for the 100 days, starting to make excuses in my mind of what is falling off and what “technically” isn’t… yes, I’m bad,  Yes, I think too much, and Yes, I won’t ever change – but I am still in control of my path and you are too…  We just have to stay focused and get right back on the pathway we started.

So it really doesn’t matter if you’ve failed, if you’ve been beaten, if you are shamed. All that really matters is that you stand back up again, and try.  Now is the time to get up and walk, crawl, whatever you can manage.  What has happened in the past is gone to you, what will happen in your future is also not yours… but what you do right this moment, is everything.  So let’s visualize what we want to be, who we want to be with, what will make life meaningful for us… and just move forward… J

One of my own personal quotes that I repeatedly tell my children in times of strife, is that we come from a long line of survivors (our ancestors survived the wars, the plagues, the environment, the scarcity of food etc…) so we have the genetic makeup for getting through these tough times.   Let’s take this life we have been granted and not let our own challenges prevent us from living fully.

Favourite quotes:

“We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.”
― Santosh Kalwar, Quote Me Everyday

“Every habit he's ever had is still there in his body, lying dormant like flowers in the desert. Given the right conditions, all his old addictions would burst into full and luxuriant bloom.”
― Margaret Atwood

And these last two … for every book addict out there :

“Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape.”
― Craig Ferguson, American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot

“This must be what an addict feels like, I think,
trying to fight the pull of one last, quick read. My fingers itch toward the binding, and finally, with a sigh of regret, I just grab the book and open it, hungrily reading the story.”
― Jodi Picoult, Between the Lines