I remember standing on the rock, overlooking the ocean. It was Hawaii, not that long ago. The sky was a beautiful rich blue, the ocean waves were wide and deep. I looked down and realized that it seemed to be an incredible drop, likely 100 feet to the water. I can't tell you what the real distance was as I never did get a measurement, nor did I jump. There was one person already down in the water, treading water, holding a camera ready for his friends to jump. There were three guys and one girl lined up to the right of me laughing, preparing. I watched each of them jump. My heart skipped a beat. My palms were sweating with the excitement. They landed, feet first, into the pacific and took a few minutes to go under and come back up. WOW!!! I wanted to go too. I was wearing a long dress at the time, and I was thinking it wouldn't take long to run back to the car and change into my bathing suit. But I didn't. I was scared to go. I thought the people I was with would find it an inconvenience. I regret that moment. I wish I had jumped. I wish I had felt that air flow by me, and the wet, warm waters of the pacific engulf me as I traveled down below the water's surface and then pushed my arms downwards to get myself back up.
I wish I had, but I didn't.
When someone tells me they are afraid to do something, I am the very first to tell them to work through that fear. That our moments only come in few and far between opportunities and we have to jump at the chance when we get it. We cannot let our fear of failure stop our doing something we love, or realizing a dream, or taking a chance....
I will rarely allow fear stop me. This includes dancing in an open room when no one else has been brave enough to get up on the dance floor. This includes singing outloud, my absolute favourite song, without any backing tracks, a guitar to protect me, or yes, even effects to disguise my voice ;)
There are so many who are afraid of being in love. They are afraid they would lose themselves. They are afraid of not having control. They are afraid of being left. They are afraid of so many things, I don't even understand.
Psychology today writes, "So many of us live in fear of being vulnerable. We are told early on to be smart and toughen up. The dating world accepts, even promotes a culture of game-playing. Don’t call her for at least three days. Don’t say “I love you” first. Don’t tell him how you feel. Don’t let her see how much you like her. Being vulnerable is a mark of strength, not weakness. It means ignoring the voices in your head and acting on how you really feel. When you do this, you learn that you can survive, even when you get hurt. You’ll be able to live with more honesty and possibility, knowing that you’ve stayed yourself, even when the world around you wasn’t perfect."
I can't believe in this world. I will not buy into this game playing. You've heard me say this before, but it needs repeating now. I hope these words give you the strength you are looking for, to get over your own fears. I will travel far to be with you, if I love you. I will tell you how I feel, if I love you. I will not wait three days, just to show how tough I am. I think I'm showing you, how tough I am, by being brave enough to be vulnerable. As perhaps I will not be loved back, perhaps the sentiment will not be reciprocated. But I will not be that girl on the edge, that never jumped.
"What happens, if I find the man of my dreams, and he doesn't find me worthy??"
This is the fear of never being good enough.
Jennifer Blanchard writes, "Know that you are good enough—Confidence starts with knowing what you’re good at and using it to your advantage. Make a list of all the things you’re good at, whether that be writing, playing video games or grilling a mean steak. When you reflect on the things that you are already good at, it helps get you in a more positive state-of-mind, which can then help boost your confidence enough to try something new (like writing)."
Take the time to write out what you are good at. Write out what makes you unique and what would make someone else very lucky to have you. Write it out, so you can see it.
When we take the time to write out our fears, our weaknesses, and then our strengths and our dreams - it puts us right where we need to be, to see the positive influence those words will have in our lives.
I can't tell you to just don't be afraid - that won't work.
I can tell you that fear can be erased, through practice, through acceptance and through a good old fashioned jump.
Just jump - only then can you know the truth.
xo
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