Day 29 - ANGER !

I've got every reason to be angry. I have suffered many painful experiences in my lifetime. I began this day's blog listing all of the tragedies out - just so you'd understand  ;), but decided to remove them as some would find it offensive to even see the words written, and it generally takes away from my point... that I have been through experiences I would not wish upon anyone, and should hold incredible resentment and anger towards those who have harmed me.

But I don't.  I am not angry. (I smile as I write those words.  As it is completely true.)

I am not angry a bit, in fact.
I am very happy, and have no time or energy to offer to those who have caused that pain.

I do not completely agree with the forgive and forget messages we see so often. Under certain circumstances, of course forgiveness is the answer but not in every case is it possible, nor, do I believe, it is necessary.  I know that the 12 step program for AA will tell people to write a letter forgiving the people that have done them harm to help them move on.  I am glad that it serves many people, however, this is not what has worked for me.

I have not forgiven them.
I will never forget.
I do not wish to see these people ever again, but if I did I would be polite and then walk away.
I will never be their friend.
I have moved on and give no energy to the pains of the past.

So what can I tell you, those of you who are still suffering? Still so angry and upset at your situation and the person or people who have harmed you.?

I say you have to let it go. You have to understand that humans will do stupid, hurtful, and unforgiving actions.  People are flawed. They will do terrible things to others. Even good people will make mistakes - men in general (I do love them) are stupid! They will make bad decisions.  You did not deserve it. You are hurting yourself by holding on to it.  It is truly like a poison in your veins, plaguing everything you see, constricting every breath you take, and slowly killing your very soul.

I did not ask for the pain I went through, it wasn't my fault, I did not bring it upon myself, I did not deserve it, I have already suffered the situation, so why would I suffer the anger and resentment now?  Somewhere along the line I realized that holding onto hostility and anger was destroying me inside.

I realized soon enough that I wanted to simply be happy.  I deserved happiness.  I deserved good people.  I deserve to be loved, cherished, looked after, taken care of, and admired. So at that point everything fell away, the anger fell away, the resentment fell away.  I moved on.  I only focus on what will bring me happiness and positivity.  I spend my energy on those that do this for me, and I move on from, and let go of,  those who do not.

You too deserve to be happy. The way you find it, is to let go. Forget about those who've wronged you. They are nothing to you now.  They hold no power over you. They have lost you as a love, as a friend, as an acquaintance, as someone who would have given them any time.

In that statement, I'm assuming you are out of the situation, not still with that person.

If you are still in a relationship with someone whom you've been hurt by, and carry anger in your heart,  I believe you only have two choices. They are both painful.

1. You stay - but you do have to forgive. Truly forgive. Staying and not forgiving is madness in my mind... every bad day will bring up the anger again, and makes a simple bad situation, intolerable... So you say to yourself "I will accept the situation, I do not intend to change it, and I forgive them for being this way." This is important because you have decided that having them in your life far outweighs the pain they caused.

2. You leave. You will never accept what was done, you will not forgive, so instead you move forward, you move on to a better, more positive environment.

With either option the anger is left behind. In my mind it is so black and white. There is no point in remaining angry.

Anger is the emotion needed in a moment of protection, when boundaries have been crossed it brings on adrenaline and other chemical reactions to help in defense of yourself.  Once the defense is not required, the moment is passed, holding onto the feeling of anger is poisonous and detrimental, to only you.

Let it go.
Deep breaths.
Perform meditation and yoga.
Find great positive friends.
Love yourself.
Love life.
Just let it go....

“I want to say somewhere: I've tried to be forgiving. And yet. There were times in my life, whole years, when anger got the better of me. Ugliness turned me inside out. There was a certain satisfaction in bitterness. I courted it. It was standing outside, and I invited it in.”
― Nicole Krauss, The History of Love

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
― Mark Twain

Anger is the seed for change.

“Anger is just anger. It isn't good. It isn't bad. It just is. What you do with it is what matters. It's like anything else. You can use it to build or to destroy. You just have to make the choice."