Day 76 of 100 days of me - Pain.

Pain. Real hard core aching.  Beginning in my feet.  There are literally bruises on each of the insides of my feet where they hit the pavement, hard.  The race on Saturday was the fastest I have ever run over that distance, in my life.  I gave it everything I could. The entire world stopped and all I could see and feel was my body working against the wind and rain, pavement and gravel to move forward with the rush of the race.  Every step was with all I had in me to place my foot properly and propel myself forward to place the next foot down and push again.  21 Kilometers passed just like that.  Pushing every step of the way.  I recalled a video I watched of Mirinda Carfrae, the woman who just won the Ironman again this year, describe her race.  I remembered the announcer pointing out her perfect form, her squared hips, her foot placement and her incredible stride.  I tried to mimic what I saw, what I heard.  My calves are swollen from the speed in which I carried myself.  When you are going that fast, you are more so on the balls of your feet than the full foot itself, so much more that your calves take that much more of the brunt of the work than they ever had before.  I literally ran my 5km pace for the full half marathon.  It was fast. It was hard.  My quads today are also sore, and bruised, the muscles still completely fatigued from the amount of effort they gave to me to get to that finish line.  I really did amazing.  I beat my fastest time by 14 minutes.  That is nearly 1 minute per kilometer... I am so very proud of this accomplishment, but I'm paying the price.  But I have to tell you the price has been worth it.  I'll do it again.

Isn't that the way in love as well.  We go into it full speed ahead.  We give it everything we have. Much like during the race, the world around you becomes a blur and you are so immersed in the moment of that love, you see and feel nothing else.  You don't need or want to feel anything else, the moment is too real, and far too good.  In fact every step, every expression is given with the deepest of thoughts and efforts. We're investing every bit of ourselves.  We wear our hearts on our sleeves, we dream of all the wonderful possibilities that could occur when we visualize the potential of that ever pervasive finish line... and then, at the end of the runway, when the course is done, over by choice, or by nature, you are fatigued.  With every tear that falls, for every word you miss, and every dream now vanquished, you are exhausted beyond what you ever believed you could be.  Your heart aches much the same way your legs did when that lactic acid rushed in when the race stopped. The minute you stop, that flood of acid pours in to make your heart feel like a rock has replaced the warm soft tissue that used to be a part of your core.  The pain is very real.  Yet, here too... the price is worth it. I'd pay it again nine-fold.

Today I want to begin counting backwards.  Not day 76, but day 24 to go.  It isn't because I want to rush this journey.  I do not.  I am enjoying how much I am experiencing and learning through this time, and through this blog.  It is because once I cross the halfway mark I begin to see the journey as smaller segments left to go.  Now for me it is 24 days.  I don't look back anymore, I don't worry about what has passed I only focus on what is ahead.  At that time, I will stop writing about surviving being single, as I think I have more than accomplished that goal - there are 24 days more for me to explain to you, exactly what I mean by that - as I will likely remain single much longer than 100 days and I do feel I've a solid foundation to journey along.  I no longer blame myself.  I accept that some things cannot pass, and of those things that do, I will appreciate those moments with all my heart.  After the 100 days are completed, I'll begin to write to you about my journey to Ironman. :)

There is nothing in this world that assists in the elimination of pain like having an incredible goal to focus on.  Suddenly the legs are not as overbearing, and my heart has something to long for that isn't quite so impossible.  Though, it is through working towards the apparently impossible races, and seemingly impossible loves, that has made this girl's life worthwhile. Let's continue to love life and strive for the impossible... xo