Day 55 of 100 - These Walls

We lock our doors before we go to bed at night and think this will keep us safe.  We don't let our children walk alone outside, we hesitate to post things on Facebook, and we tear ourselves apart debating on whether we are ready to take the next step.  This protective methodology is natural and has it's place in many cases, but mostly, it is restrictive, inhibiting and causes us to miss out on great learning and loving experiences.

My favourite song this week is "These Walls" by Teddy Greiger.  He writes:

"I can't believe what is in front of me

The water's rising up to my knees

And I can't figure out

How the hell I wound up here

Everything seemed okay when I started out the other day

Then the rain came pouring down

And now I'm drowning in my fears

And as I watch the setting sun

I wonder if I'm the only one"

We aren't alone.  We've all been there together, and separately at one point, or another.  Reaching out to others is truly the best thing you can do, to settle your fears, get your mind in order, and get ready to walk through the high waters.

I have the greatest friends, that when I start to wonder whether my decisions are valid, whether my fears are appropriate, or whether I should just take the next step - I can call (or text ;)) and in minutes they are there for me to tell me that they think I'm right (or remind me of what I've not thought of), that it's my life, that they will support me, that I shouldn't be afraid of drowning, that they won't let that happen.  I bet you have these friends too.  Count on them.  They know you.  They know what you need and they'll support you.

There are the same protective barriers in place for so many of us in relation to our relationships.  We set them up for ourselves to prevent us from letting ourselves love again:

"Cause everybody tries to put some love on the line

And everybody feels a broken heart sometimes, yeah

Even when I'm scared I have to try to fly

Sometimes I fall

But I've seen it done before"

I have friends who have managed to love each other and stay together for years.  I've seen it done before.  I have aunts and uncles who inspire me in their loving relationships.  I know that true love can exist, but we have to be ready to put it out on the line, we have to be ready to get cut, to bleed a little.  Just like our children running down the sidewalk and we can see the pavement is uneven and there are ridges, I am screaming inside because I don't want them to fall, I don't want them to be hurt - but if I stop them, they'll never learn to maneuver that sidewalk.  They'll be afraid to try in future.  They will learn to hesitate in their lives, in their work, and most especially in love.  

I have to let them learn, I have to let them fall, and they need to bleed a little. Bleeding does not kill us.  Bleeding shows us where we went wrong and allows us to learn - and in the meantime, we get to feel alive as we are running down that sidewalk, wind in our hair.

So with 45 days remaining in my journey to know myself better, I need to tell you - I'm running full speed ahead, and I'm prepared for that fall - which may, or may not ever come.  It'll be okay if I bleed, because I know my friends will be there for me, laughing at first of course, then to pick me up, mend the wounds, smarten up {yet again}, and carry on.  (Fall down seven times, stand up eight ;)).

I'm safe because I have my family and friends.  You are safe to try too, because you have me.  

Go ahead, start running, as I'm here for you when you need me.  You aren't alone. I've got your back.

xo