I am the oldest child in my family. I spent five long years alone before my brother came along and only met my other 3 sisters and brother when I was 18 years old. I was not needy of my parents - they did adult things, I did kid things. I played alone. I would take the old sewing pattern books that my aunt was finished with and I would cut out people out of them.
I loved making stories out of the characters I'd cut out. I'd proceed to create different families and friendships with all the paper dolls and sometimes I'd even write the stories down. I played "house" all the time. I can even remember that when I would take a bath the shampoo bottles became people to me, and I'd have them talk to each other. Is that crazy? ;) Perhaps this taught me that being alone was okay, and could even be fun.
I wasn't alone all the time, as I'd go out and play with friends who lived in my neighbourhood, we'd bike and run up and down the street causing trouble of one sort or another, but I didn't need other people to have a good time. I'm so proud of my daughter as she is very much the same as I was. She will sit alone for hours and draw cartoons, listen to music, read books, and play with her toys. My older two children who are only 14 months apart don't like to be alone - perhaps because they always had each other, that being alone is too foreign a feeling for them.
As much as I am very comfortable alone, I am equally a very social person and love being around others. I love to go to parties and spend time laughing with friends. This week I actually had tears come to my eyes, when I realized I wouldn't be invited to some of the usual parties anymore since I was no longer with my husband and his friends would obviously not be able to continue the invitations under the circumstances. This is the first year that I didn't attend a Halloween party at all. I didn't even dress up. Halloween has always been a favourite time of year for me. Seemed so surreal to me to be isolated from the life I had become very accustomed to, but never once have I regretted my alone time.
Although I was alone the majority of this weekend, I was never lonely, and I got so much done I'd been looking forward to accomplishing - I am very happy about this life. I played the music I loved, I sang and danced while working away at laundry, cleaning, sorting, organizing, outdoor work, and repairs.
James Davies writes, "People tend to think that being alone directly correlates to loneliness. Being alone and being lonely are two different things. Loneliness is a negative state of mind where you are always longing for something to fill the void. Alone is a positive state of mind where you are always and constantly delighted in yourself."
I'd like to add to this that loneliness is a self imposed infliction where you are restless and feel you need another person to fulfill you. Being alone is simply a state of not having others around, and may be taken negatively or positively - always a choice. I believe we should try to be alone more often and find things that we love to do in those moments that make us happy and complete. We can learn so much about ourselves in those moments in which we are alone. It is only then that we should venture out to share with others. I think if we are always counting on someone else to make us feel complete, it is far too much pressure on them to be there for you. There are going to be plenty of times in our lives that people cannot be there for us - WE have to be there for ourselves.
There is no such thing as being unwanted. That is the mindset that must be squelched. This is what we do to ourselves when we are in a negative state. Precisely why I started the blog in the first place. To break free from negative thoughts where I tried to convince myself that I wasn't okay alone. I am completely okay alone. I don't always want to be alone, but when I am, I am never bored as there are always so many things on my to do list that I either need to get done, or love to do.
Free from the influence and opinions of others, being alone is the one time we can fully be ourselves and enjoy the moment unrestrained. Take advantage of your time alone - it can be priceless. xo
Other quotations:
“I have to be alone very often. I'd be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That's how I refuel." (Audrey Hepburn: Many-Sided Charmer, LIFE Magazine, December 7, 1953)”
― Audrey Hepburn
“I was lonely. I felt it deeply and permanently, that this state of being on my own might never disappear. But I welcomed the lonliness, which had everything to do with being anonymous. It's never lonliness that nibbles away at a person's insides, but not having room inside themselves to be comfortably alone.”
― Rachel Sontag, House Rules
“If you are never alone, you cannot know yourself.”
― Paulo Coelho, Manuscript Found in Accra
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