2 days remain - 98 days of 100 days of me - but It's not about me ;)

With only 2 days remaining, I seriously can't believe the time has passed so quickly.  I entitled the blog 100 days of me... but it was never about me ;) it was always simply for me.  Turns out - It isn't about you either... but is sure has become for you.  More on that, in tomorrow's blog....

#9 Lesson Learned: Not about you.

I had one of the biggest crushes of my life when I was only 13.  I was foolishly head over heels.  In my mind he was perfect... so good looking to me, so interesting, we laughed alot, and had much in common, and yes, he played guitar - I admired that instrument, even then.  He was 15 years old.  He had written me a song, which for the life of me, I can't remember a single word of it now.  He handed me the piece of paper with the words, and began to play and sing for me.  Wow! I was so impressed that he played the guitar and sang me this song, his back up against an old tree, sitting in the park outside his apartment where his family lived.  I was beside myself in bliss.  This love affair ended rather abruptly, as most relationships do at 13 years old... and I was heartbroken.  I was sure I was the problem.  If I had been prettier, funnier, better, something, anything!! Someone help me figure it out! Tell me what I needed to do, to BE.... why wasn't I the one for him!! Why wasn't I loved by him??? how tragic it was in my tiny mind.  Can you imagine?? I was 13.  For crying out loud.. how could I have possibly felt that way.  Without going into all the details that I've already shared in previous blogs, I was destroyed.  What I didn't know then, but is so obvious now, was that it had absolutely NOTHING to do with ME.  It rarely ever does.  How could it have possibly been about a girl who he knew nothing about?  Sweet and innocent, a full life ahead, and I darn well nearly squandered it... over something that had nothing to do with me.

As we get older, this sensitivity we have towards ourselves doesn't disappear, we carry it well into adulthood and we find ourselves questioning so many levels, in our work, in our relationships, in our hobbies, in almost anything we do... but it isn't about us.  They don't really know us.  The decisions and choices that other people make in their lives, are important to them and do not reflect on what or who we are.  They know themselves and they know what they want and need for themselves, somehow, when they look out at you, at me, they don't see what they are looking for - does that mean we aren't good enough? Of course not - it means we aren't for them.  I've said earlier that just because this isn't your destiny, doesn't mean you don't have one... you simply have another one.  We have another path to follow... don't be afraid to walk it. Start with the first step.

I began the blog to learn to find the means to not question who I am.  Through sharing these thoughts and evaluating what is really important in life, I have found it.  We all need regular reminders - true - but I know who I am, and if I'm not what you need, or what you are looking for - it's okay! I'm okay with that.  I think we need to spend more time feeling glad for someone else's adventures, and dreams and less time wishing or being jealous ourselves.  I sincerely hope you all do find what you are looking for.  BE TRUE TO YOURSELF and stop doubting based on what other's do, react, say, or believe.  It doesn't matter what they think. It doesn't matter what I think.  You must be of your own mind.

Our value is not based on someone else's choices! Can you imagine that you see two guys who want to make the soccer team, and there is only one spot left. By some selection criteria one guy is selected over the other.  Is the other guy done? Is his life over? Should he give up soccer? Give up life? GOSH NO!  you'll say that is ridiculous but then turn around and feel broken if you didn't get chosen in a job, in a team, in a relationship.  Our hind sight is so clear.  If only we can try to work on the foresight of being smarter and stronger right up front, when life is giving us a new card.... can we take it with pride and move on?

I believe our value should be purely based on what we can contribute to the world around us, and I can tell you, we have so much to give.  If we as a society spent more time worrying about what we could do to better the lives of those around us, rather than wallowing in our own self pity of why our lives weren't fulfilled enough - we'd surely have a better world and a better self image.

So the lesson learned:  It isn't about you.  It certainly hasn't been about me.  Be strong.  Be yourself. Take care of others... all else will take care of itself...

Some select lyrics from another favourite song... "Good Enough" by Sarah McLachlan

....I never would have opened up
but you seemed so real to me
after all the bullshit I've heard
it's refreshing not to see
I don't have to pretend....

...who's there that makes you so afraid
you're shaken to the bone
and I don't understand
you deserve so much more than this

So don't tell me why
he's never been good to you
don't tell me why
he's never been there for you
don't you know that why
is simply not good enough
so just let me try
and I will be good to you
just let me try
and I will be there for you
I'll show you why
you're so much more than good enough...

xo

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay.” 
― Will Smith