I actually can't believe there are only 10 days remaining. When I began it seemed as if it were an eternity to commit to. There is so much more to say, so much more to write, but these next 10 days will focus on my top 10 lessons learned. They could go in any order, as they are all important to me.
I'll begin with my favourite lesson: Love and the Rules of the Game.
The whole 100 day blog began with me not understanding love and the rules of the game. Love does not come because you want it to, it doesn't arrive when you are searching for it, it doesn't walk up to you because you need it.... it arrives precisely when you have decided you are going to be perfectly okay, without it.
I began by deciding I was not going to look for love, I was completely and entirely ready to be single. No consideration of love, no looking for a love interest. I created four rules for myself that I felt would prevent and protect me from going down this path. They were my measuring stick for my behaviour, to guide me through the journey of finding myself. The point of the journey, was not to live life without men, but to make absolutely sure I did not lose sight of myself, with them. I felt that if I focused on myself in a positive way for 100 days I would make sure I would not become down or negative emotionally if a guy wasn't interested in a relationship with me.
It worked.
The more I focused on me, I most definitely became stronger, and I stayed completely in control of myself and my needs. What happened next is the stuff that great stories and novels are made of. I find it the most interesting and strangest phenomenon, that life happens to you exactly in those moments where you aren't concerned for what may come. You tend to find what you are "looking for", precisely at the moment you decide to stop looking.
I love the song by Avicii where he writes, "All this time I was finding myself, And I didn't know I was lost".
My rules were four simple ones:
#4 DO THINGS ALONE. No more looking for a man to go on adventures, go on trips, come with me camping, to go with me to sporting events, to go with me to concerts nor to support me in my competitions. I will attend all functions with girlfriends, or alone. No more having fear of doing anything without a man with me.
I did many things alone, I wrote many blogs about how to handle being alone, how to stay positive and how to enjoy your time and freedom on your own. I am completely okay with doing things alone, I went out a number of times to open mic's, went to a club to watch a football or hockey game, and had dinner out alone (does it still count if the bartender kept me company ??) :) Rarely did I ever feel alone, and often people came up and were great company.
#3 No obsessing over anyone (I write this at the same time I check facebook one last time in case he has logged in to write me… I SO need help). No checking to see if a letter is written, no looking at cell phone for a text – even if they do text it doesn’t mean they care about you nor want a relationship with you.
I was equally good at not obsessing. I stayed completely cool at accepting what came and what didn't come. I spent time focusing on the present, not the future. What was happening right now was all that mattered and what would come, would come - of that I had no control. I knew that I only had control over this moment, and I wasn't going to waste it worrying or obsessing about the unknowns.
#2 Hanging out with men is perfectly okay, hugging goodbye even – French pecks on each cheek, no problem – but I know the line I cannot cross even if my heart wants to. No more than friendship, no discussion of relationships, no flirting, no promises of the future.
True, I did pretty good at this rule also. Any teacher would not have scored me a full 100% grade, but I'm quite positive I passed. In my associations, there was no real discussion of a future, definitely no promises, and absolutely no expectations - I continue to take each and every day as a journey of it's own and will not put any energy into what may never come to pass. That is future state, I've said. It isn't something to decide on or worry over, now.
#1 No sex, no kissing, no getting together, no giving away one’s heart. I am single. I will remain single in my very core, in my heart, in my mind, and in my actions for 100 days. (this is going to kill me for sure ;))
It didn't kill me, mostly because I stopped listening to this rule. I liked Mark Twain's advice instead:
"Life is short. Break the Rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss Slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, and Never regret ANYTHING that makes you smile"
I felt rule number one would only affect me if I behaved as though I was in a relationship. So, I chose not to do that. I made the conscious choice to remain single.
As I wrote in an earlier blog, this challenge was never meant to remain celibate. It was not my need, wish, or want to be alone, or away from men. It was not an attempt to understand what being single was like. It most especially was not a time to mourn, nor recover. It was purely a journey to remain positive and focused on myself.
To this end I have accomplished that goal; however, it was in the process of working on me, remaining solo and strong, not needing anyone but myself, that the man of my dreams walked right into the room, sat down in front of me and smiled. Mark Twain's quote came to mind "to never regret anything that makes you smile." Smiling back, I knew immediately, I'd never be the same.
In my mind, we may have the power to choose to remain single forever, but our hearts will always have a plan all their own, for mine has packed up and flown off on a journey to the warmest, most serene and surreal of landscapes... it makes me so happy inside, I wouldn't consider asking it to return.
Fly on...
The Lesson Learned ?
Love yourself first; create rules that give your life structure, meaning and protection - then allow yourself the freedom to be open minded, break your rules, and find pure happiness in living fully; for there are no rules in love, only that you must take care of yourself first. You must remain whole and in that moment where you are happy with who you are, you may be surprised to find others who think you are pretty damn awesome too.
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